Local Government Archives | Lubbock Sucks

Math is Hard: Lubbock City Council Shocked to Learn Police Cars and Asphalt Cost Money

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 16:50:10 +0000

Welcome to another thrilling episode of “How is This City Still Functioning?” The Lubbock City Council recently gathered for a budget work session to discover that money doesn’t actually grow on cotton fields. It turns out city revenue is growing at a pathetic 1 percent, which is completely losing the race against “municipal inflation”. City [...]

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Lubbock Roads Are Now Deadlier Than Dallas, But Don’t Worry, We’re Planning to Patrol Less

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 16:45:33 +0000

Look out, Houston, Lubbock is coming for your crown. According to recent TxDOT data, Lubbock County has officially surpassed massive metropolitan areas like Dallas, Travis, and Harris counties in fatal crashes per 100,000 people. Apparently, local motorists have collectively decided that stop signs are merely decorative and speed limits are just a baseline suggestion. Sheriff [...]

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District 4 Runoff: Choose Between Infinite Concrete Sprawl and a Political Relic Who Sued His Way onto the Ballot

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 29 Jun 2026 15:33:15 +0000

Just when you thought you could go a whole month without thinking about local politics, the Lubbock City Council District 4 special election has gifted us a runoff. The seat was left vacant after Braden Rose decided he’d rather spend time with his family than sit through another grueling council meeting, triggering an election that [...]

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Lubbock County Solves All Crime By Shutting Down Half Of Its Neon-Lit Menaces

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 17 Jun 2026 12:44:17 +0000

Lubbock County Commissioners have finally tackled our absolute number one public safety threat: bored locals and retirees staring at flashing screens. Thanks to a hyper-aggressive game room ordinance passed last year and aggressively tweaked this past February, the county has successfully nuked the number of local game rooms from 45 down to a mere 23. [...]

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Four Men, Zero Pools, and an AI Scare: The District 4 Race to Replace Brayden Rose

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 15 Jun 2026 12:48:15 +0000

Now that Councilman Brayden Rose has officially checked out, District 4 voters are being treated to a special election circus featuring four guys trying to out-conservative each other. (A fifth candidate, Stephanie Ferran, apparently couldn’t be bothered to respond to the media deadline, which honestly might be the most relatable political strategy yet). The remaining [...]

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Game, Set, Match: Lubbock Pauses Tennis Lessons After Shocking Discovery That Free Court Time Doesn’t Balance the Budget

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 14:54:03 +0000

The City of Lubbock has officially pressed pause on all private lessons at the Burgess-Rushing Tennis Center. Why? Because during a rare and terrifying display of basic accounting—triggered by a center supervisor jumping ship—city officials suddenly realized they were bleeding cash. It turns out the tennis center is burning through a $280,000 annual budget while [...]

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State Government Genius: Punishing Small Towns for Being Too Broke to Prove They’re Broke

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 05 Jun 2026 14:20:19 +0000

Leave it to our brilliant lawmakers in Austin to cook up a bureaucratic paradox straight out of a dystopian comedy. In their holy, never-ending war to convince voters they are lowering property taxes, Texas Republicans quietly passed a law that forbids cities from raising property tax revenue if they are behind on their annual financial [...]

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Lubbock Appraisal District Discovers Ultimate Life Hack: Just Ignore the Evidence and Give Everyone a Discount

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 29 May 2026 15:11:55 +0000

Local tax protest guru Gary Adrian, founder of Ace of Texas, is absolutely throwing a fit because an out-of-town tech company named Ownwell figured out how to bully the Lubbock Central Appraisal District (LCAD) better than he did. Adrian stood before the LCAD board to whine that Ownwell “intentionally overloaded the system” by dumping 4,800 [...]

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Runoff Reality Check: Lubbock Welcomes Our New Overlords Chosen By Seven Whole Voters

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 27 May 2026 12:41:48 +0000

Well, another primary runoff election is in the books, and to the surprise of absolutely no one who has ever stepped foot in West Texas, the color red reigns supreme. Locally, we can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the grueling battle for Lubbock County Commissioner is over. In Precinct 2, Kevin Pounds [...]

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Go Pick Your Favorite Multi-Millionaire at the Sutherlands Lighting Section: The 2026 Runoffs Are Here!

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 26 May 2026 13:26:59 +0000

It’s Tuesday, May 26, and the 2026 Joint Primary Runoffs are officially here to drag us back to the polls because nobody could agree on a candidate back in March. Historically, only about 8.2% of registered Texas voters actually bother to show up for these political overtime rounds, meaning a tiny, highly reactive fraction of [...]

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Great News, Commuters: Broadway Is Getting Torn Up For Two Years (And It’s Already Over Budget!)

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 21 May 2026 21:23:38 +0000

Lubbock has finally decided to solve our city’s most pressing crisis: having a street with actual historical character. This summer, the city is officially moving forward with its plan to rip up the historic brick on Broadway between Avenues Q and E. Because why enjoy a unique, bumpy piece of local heritage when you can [...]

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Lubbock’s Finest Introduce Hot New Trend: Creative Birth Certificate Forgery

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 20 May 2026 13:02:51 +0000

Leave it to the Hub City to turn a basic custody dispute into a high-stakes, first-responder crossover episode of Maury. Meet April Mora, a 38-year-old Lubbock police officer, and Jonathan Forkner, a 39-year-old Lubbock firefighter. This dynamic public-service duo is currently enjoying some forced time off after being arrested by the Lubbock Metropolitan Special Crimes [...]

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TxDOT Finally Remembers That Concrete Lawn Ornament South of Town is Supposed to Be a Bridge

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 08 May 2026 16:03:54 +0000

Welcome back to the graveyard of progress, Lubbock. After three years of staring at concrete pillars that did nothing but provide shade for confused tumbleweeds, TxDOT has finally decided to finish the U.S. 87/FM 41 overpass. You know, the project that was supposed to be wrapped up in 2024 but is now aiming for “late [...]

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Lubbock’s Own Dustin Burrows Leads the Brave Fight to Keep Texas Summer Camps Incommunicado and Hazardous

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 06 May 2026 20:57:21 +0000

Remember last year’s catastrophic July 4 floods? The ones where 137 Texans tragically drowned, including 25 children at a Hill Country summer camp who couldn’t be reached because cell towers were down and emergency responders had no way to warn them? In a rare, fleeting moment of actual governance, the Texas Legislature passed a law [...]

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Apathy Wins in a Landslide: Lubbock Re-Elects the Status Quo with the Support of Twelve People and a Golden Retriever

lubbock-sucks — Sun, 03 May 2026 12:53:00 +0000

The “masses” have spoken, and by “masses,” I mean the approximately 9,533 people who realized there was an election happening between their third and fourth trips to Taco Villa. In a city of over 260,000, Mayor Mark McBrayer coasted to victory with 70.3% of the vote. It turns out that if you promise more police [...]

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Lubbock Early Voting Hits 10-Year Low: Local Democracy Officially Less Popular Than a Dust Storm

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 15:22:52 +0000

Lubbock County just recorded its lowest early voting turnout for a May election since 2014. Over the course of eight grueling days, a whopping 7,800 people managed to drag themselves to the polls. To put that in perspective, we probably have more people waiting in the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A on a Tuesday morning than we [...]

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City Hall Learns to Read: Gary Boren Sues His Way Onto the Ballot

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 19:12:34 +0000

Lubbock is currently embroiled in its favorite pastime: a legal slap-fight over things that should be simple. Gary Boren wanted to run for the District 4 seat, but City Hall tried to kick him to the curb because he’s only lived in the district for two months. Apparently, the City Secretary thinks you need to [...]

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Ernest Butler Park: Lubbock’s Premier Destination for Tetanus and Loneliness

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 14:40:31 +0000

If you’ve ever wanted your child to experience the existential dread of being the only kid with a swing in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, head over to Ernest Butler Park on the East Side. It’s a local landmark, mostly because it currently looks like the set of a low-budget movie about a society that forgot how [...]

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Texas Water Board Asks for ‘Public Input’ on Our Impending $174 Billion Dust Bowl 2.0

lubbock-sucks — Sun, 19 Apr 2026 15:12:41 +0000

The Texas Water Development Board (TWDB) just dropped the draft for its 2027 State Water Plan, and the news is about as refreshing as a mouthful of haboob dust. To avoid a total state-wide “Mad Max” scenario over the next 50 years, the state claims it needs a cool $174 billion. That’s more than double [...]

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Dry Heat, Dry Pools: Lubbock Perfects the ‘Concrete Hole’ Aesthetic for Summer 2026

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 14:24:00 +0000

Congratulations, Lubbock! We’ve officially achieved our goal of becoming a literal desert with zero oases. The city recently announced that for the 2026 season, public pools will remain exactly as they’ve been since 2024: bone-dry concrete pits suitable only for skateboarding or heatstroke. Clapp Pool, our final holdout of municipal hydration, has officially been declared [...]

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Pick Your Poison: The 2026 Race to Sink the Hub City

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 18:09:36 +0000

Welcome back to another episode of “Who Wants to Rule This Dust Bowl?” as the mayoral candidates for the 2026 election crawl out of the woodwork to promise us the world while the potholes on 34th Street continue to swallow subcompact cars. Leading the pack is incumbent Mark McBrayer, who’s spent two years bragging about [...]

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Gary Boren Learns That Calendars Are Not Just For Decorative Purposes

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 13:13:03 +0000

Gary Boren, a man who has run for more local offices than there are potholes on Indiana Avenue, just hit a slight snag in his latest quest for power. It turns out that when the City of Lubbock asks how long you’ve lived in a district, they actually expect you to tell the truth—and then, [...]

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Oops, We’re Rich: Lubbock County Accidental Surplus Ignites War of Words

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 21:38:08 +0000

In a stunning display of “only in Lubbock” incompetence, our local government is currently embroiled in a bitter civil war because—get this—they actually have too much money. Last week’s audit revealed that the county ended the 2024-25 budget year with a $10 million swing in their favor. While County Auditor Kathy Williams previously warned that [...]

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Texas House Speaker Dustin Burrows Proposes Manifest Destiny 2.0: The New Mexico DLC

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 26 Mar 2026 19:58:46 +0000

Lubbock’s favorite son and current House Speaker, Dustin Burrows, has released his “interim charges” for 2027, and it’s exactly the kind of ambitious, slightly unhinged wishlist you’d expect from someone who spent too much time staring at the horizon on I-27. Topping the list is a plan to study the “secession” of New Mexico counties [...]

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Lubbock Solves Decade-Long Child Abuse Epidemic with the Power of Blue T-Shirts

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 17:56:58 +0000

Our County Commissioners took a break from their busy schedules of approving new car washes and tax breaks for suburban sprawl to drop a real bombshell this week: 10,000 Lubbock County children have been confirmed victims of abuse and neglect over the last decade. That is a nice, round, horrifying number that averages out to [...]

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Lubbock Scrambles to Scrub the Name of a Guy We Barely Liked Anyway

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 16:05:50 +0000

In a rare moment of bipartisan harmony, Lubbock’s political scene is currently a frantic blur of Wite-Out and reimagined Google Maps pins. Local Democratic leaders and community groups are tripping over themselves to rename Cesar E. Chavez Drive and rebrand local festivals after “disturbing allegations” of sexual misconduct surfaced against the late labor icon. Apparently, [...]

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Happy 30th Anniversary to Downtown Lubbock’s “Coming Soon” Sign

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 06 Mar 2026 17:33:07 +0000

Wes over at FMX finally hit the nail on the head: Downtown Lubbock is the “fetch” of West Texas urban planning. It’s never going to happen, but the city won’t stop trying to make it happen. We’ve been hearing the word “revitalization” since 1997—back when Titanic was in theaters and people still thought the Macarena [...]

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The “Lubbock Special” Goes National: Billionaire Advisor Proves You Don’t Need a 806 Area Code to Master the Art of Self-Dealing

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 05 Mar 2026 15:32:38 +0000

We’ve always known that Lubbock has a world-class reputation for “good ol’ boy” networking. Whether it’s a City Council member voting on a contract that just happens to benefit their family’s portfolio or a developer getting a “random” zoning break, we’ve mastered the art of the wink-and-nod. Take former Mayor Dan Pope, who famously had [...]

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The Brick Trailer Park: An Autopsy of the Hub City’s Soul

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 22:04:48 +0000

If you have ever driven down Slide Road at 5:15 PM, dodging a lifted Ford F-250 that is currently occupying two lanes while emitting a cloud of unburnt diesel particulate that would make a Victorian chimney sweep cough, you have experienced the essence of Lubbock, Texas. We like to pretend we are a “metropolitan” area. [...]

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Landlord Forgets to Pay the Bill, City Tries to Freeze Residents for ‘Legal Reasons’

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 05 Feb 2026 14:43:15 +0000

In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one familiar with North Lubbock real estate, the residents of a Thunder Sun mobile home park were recently forced to play a high-stakes game of “Will I Freeze to Death?” This time, it wasn’t because of a grid failure, but because their landlord apparently treated their utility [...]

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Ice, Ice, Sprinkler: How Lubbock Turns a Cold Snap into a Contact Sport

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 21 Jan 2026 16:15:18 +0000

Lubbock officials are begging—again—for residents to stop running sprinklers during freezing weather, because spraying water onto streets and sidewalks when it’s below 32 degrees turns the city into a low-budget ice rink. Code Enforcement says runoff during cold snaps is a serious hazard for drivers and pedestrians, which feels less like a warning and more [...]

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Central Lubbock Declares War on Birds, Immediately Loses Ground

lubbock-sucks — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 14:31:32 +0000

A Central Lubbock business owner has discovered that her biggest obstacle to running a salon isn’t rent, staffing, or inflation—it’s thousands of grackles using the sidewalk as a communal restroom. Holli Baker, owner of The Socialite Salon, says the birds have been coating the area near University Avenue in droppings, creating a mess that’s equal [...]

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“Please Stop Dumping Dogs on County Roads,” Says County That Has Nowhere for Dogs to Go

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 19:26:58 +0000

Four dogs were found dead along a two-mile stretch of 151st Street in Lubbock County this week, after a caller initially reported seeing as many as 20 dead animals over time. The Lubbock County Sheriff’s Office confirmed they found four dogs that had been hit by vehicles and acknowledged the caller’s concern that animal abandonment [...]

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Corley Accidentally Resigns While Running for Congress, Shocked to Learn Laws Still Exist

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 17:24:29 +0000

So Jason Corley — yes, that Jason Corley — apparently tried to soft-launch his congressional campaign like it was a new kombucha flavor, and oops, Texas law says that counts as quitting your day job. Lubbock County Judge Curtis Parrish announced Monday that Corley effectively resigned the moment he started using a “Corley for Congress” [...]

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Lubbock Finally Remembers Native People Exist, Plans Powwow Like It’s 1491

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 18 Nov 2025 18:59:32 +0000

In a rare moment of cultural self-awareness, Lubbock has discovered that Native people are, in fact, still here. Cyndi Slaughter, who founded Native American People of the Plains and Beyond, has spent years trying to educate West Texans that Indigenous culture didn’t just evaporate the moment Columbus tripped over the shoreline. Her nonprofit is now [...]

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Abbott Wanted to Nuke Rainbow Crosswalks – Instead, He Accidentally Banned Buddy Holly

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 15:29:47 +0000

In a stunning act of political slapstick, Governor Greg Abbott’s crusade against rainbow crosswalks has boomeranged straight into Lubbock’s face—specifically the giant Buddy Holly glasses painted at 18th & Crickets. State officials told Lubbock this week that all decorative crosswalks—yes, even the harmless, nostalgia-soaked, rock-and-roll ones—must be removed to comply with a new “no fun [...]

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Jodey Arrington Quits Congress After “Fixing” America, Allegedly

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 11 Nov 2025 13:41:00 +0000

West Texas Congressman and House Budget Committee Chair Jodey Arrington says he won’t seek re-election in 2026, wrapping up a decade in D.C. and declaring public office should be “temporary,” like he didn’t just spend ten years polishing his chairmanship nameplate. He tells Fox News he’s leaving on a “high note” after helping craft Trump’s [...]

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Lubbock ISD to Maybe, Possibly, Someday Close More Schools — But Gently This Time

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 04 Nov 2025 16:51:06 +0000

Lubbock ISD swears it’s not closing more schools — at least not until fall 2026 — but it’s already warning everyone to brace for impact. After last year’s emotional rollercoaster of shutting down Hodges, Overton, and O.L. Slaton, the district is trying a new tactic: asking for input before it pulls the plug. You know, [...]

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Texas Spends $223 Million So Rural Towns Can Finally Drink Water That Doesn’t Smell Like Rust and Regret

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 04 Nov 2025 16:48:23 +0000

Two years after voters threw a billion dollars at Texas’ crumbling water system, the state has finally sprinkled about $223 million into rural towns — the ones that usually get told to “pray for rain” instead of getting infrastructure. The Texas Water Development Board says over 40 projects are fixing water tanks, leaky pipes, and [...]

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Judge Lets Serial Abuser Walk—Lubbock Shocked to Learn “Consequences” Optional

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 31 Oct 2025 12:51:12 +0000

In the latest episode of Lubbock’s Justice System: Who Needs Consequences Anyway?, two women say the courts failed to protect them from a man who somehow collected more assault charges than traffic tickets—while still managing to walk free. Courtney Gage, who already pleaded guilty to “continuous violence against the family” (a phrase that really shouldn’t [...]

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City Council Cancels Its Own Panic Button: Lubbock Repeals the $50 “Peace of Mind” Tax

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:16:14 +0000

In a rare moment of collective clarity, Lubbock’s City Council realized they might’ve accidentally charged residents fifty bucks for the privilege of not getting robbed. The now-repealed alarm ordinance required homeowners to buy a permit before their alarm could even be activated—because nothing says “public safety” like a government paywall. Councilman David Glasheen admitted the [...]

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Meta to Power Up with West Texas Sunshine, Because Data Centers Need Vitamin D Too

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 28 Oct 2025 12:29:25 +0000

Meta and ENGIE North America just announced a shiny new deal to soak up 600 megawatts of West Texas sunlight at the upcoming Swenson Ranch Solar project southeast of Lubbock. The $900 million project will power Meta’s endless stream of selfies, cat videos, and targeted ads — while employing around 350 workers and promising $158 [...]

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Council Debates Whether Lubbock’s Dog Problem Needs Leashes, Laws, or Just Vibes

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 16 Oct 2025 12:57:16 +0000

Lubbock City Council spent another evening discovering that stray, dangerous dogs don’t fix themselves. Councilwoman Christy Martinez-Garcia pitched updates to the city’s ordinance: match state law on what counts as a “dangerous dog,” extend compliance to 30 days, skip the hearing, make appeals go through municipal court, and—if owners ignore it—hand the dog over to [...]

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The $50 Peace of Mind Tax: Lubbock’s New Alarm Permit Scheme Sounds Off

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 18:37:23 +0000

Starting October 1, Lubbock homeowners now need to pay the city for the privilege of having an alarm system. Under Ordinance No. 2025-00111 — passed quietly in late summer — residents must shell out $50 a year for a permit if they want police to respond when their alarm goes off. Senior citizens get a [...]

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Lubbock County Saves You $2.63 — By Slashing Firefighter Funding in Half

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 14:49:00 +0000

In a heroic act of fiscal responsibility, Lubbock County Commissioners decided that saving homeowners a whopping $2.63 a year was worth gutting the budget for volunteer fire departments. Because who needs hoses and air packs when you’ve got the warm glow of minimal property tax savings? At Monday’s meeting, commissioners approved only half the “Critical [...]

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Lubbock’s Dog Days: Still Getting Bit, Still Waiting on Animal Services to Catch

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 02 Oct 2025 16:39:52 +0000

Almost a year ago, Councilman David Glasheen gave Lubbock Animal Services (LAS) a public chewing-out, saying he was “not satisfied” with their performance. Fast-forward 10 months, and while things have improved a bit, loose dogs are still turning neighborhood strolls into live-action episodes of When Animals Attack. Director Steven Greene insists they’re making progress—shorter hold [...]

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Executive Inn: Still the Sketchiest Motel on Avenue Q

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 29 Aug 2025 16:27:41 +0000

The Executive Inn at 4401 Avenue Q is once again topping the charts as Lubbock’s worst hotel, with two shootings in just the past week adding to its long résumé of drugs, gangs, and general chaos. Back in March, the city threatened to shut it down as a “criminal nuisance.” Fast-forward to now, and Police [...]

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Lubbock Firefighters to Lawmakers: You Can’t Cut Taxes and Still Expect Us to Put Out

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 23:43:51 +0000

The Texas Legislature’s latest bright idea, Senate Bill 10, aims to slash property taxes by lowering the voter-approved rate from 3.5% to 2.5%. Sounds great until you realize those taxes also fund little luxuries like fire trucks and cops. The Lubbock Professional Firefighter’s Association is calling it what it is: a slow bleed of public [...]

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City of Lubbock Walks Back “Network Issues” After Cyberattack Takes Down Systems

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 19 Aug 2025 21:00:05 +0000

After insisting it was just “network issues,” the City of Lubbock finally admitted what everyone suspected — a cyberattack shut down city systems on August 12. The first sign of trouble came when the City Council livestream went dark, followed by a blanket outage. Spokesperson Lacey Rose initially denied it was a hack, but the [...]

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Lubbock City Council Zeroes Out Impact Fees, Developers Cheer While Critics Call It a Budget Blunder

lubbock-sucks — Sat, 16 Aug 2025 03:22:24 +0000

On Tuesday, the Lubbock City Council voted to slash all impact fees to zero, a move that immediately set off a tug-of-war between developers and budget hawks. Impact fees are what builders pay when they pull permits—meant to cover the cost of new road construction tied to growth. By erasing them, the city essentially shifted [...]

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