Sports Archives | Lubbock Sucks

Nothing Says ‘Pure Integrity’ Like a $275K Campaign Check and a Threatening Letter from Ken Paxton

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 17 Jul 2026 18:02:54 +0000

Ah, summer in Lubbock—where the dust storms clear up just in time for another world-class exhibition of high-stakes college sports hypocrisy. Former quarterback Brendan Sorsby—who got nabbed for blowing at least $90,000 on illegal sports bets, including on his own team’s games—was rightfully declared ineligible by the NCAA. But instead of taking the loss, Texas [...]

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Paramount+ to Showcase Texas Tech’s ‘Relentless Pursuit of Excellence’ (And Impressive Gambling Scandals)

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 30 Jun 2026 15:50:00 +0000

Lubbock is finally getting the Hollywood treatment it so richly deserves. Paramount+ announced they’ve greenlit a four-episode docuseries chronicling the Texas Tech football team’s “transformative” offseason, set to premiere right before the Fall 2026 season kicks off. Cameras have been rolling since January, capturing all the blood, sweat, and public relations panic that defines Red [...]

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NFL Tells Permanently Banned Texas Tech QB Brendan Sorsby That Even They Have Standards

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 24 Jun 2026 15:18:59 +0000

Ah, Texas Tech football—where our recruitment strategy apparently involves scouring the NCAA’s disciplinary waste bin for anyone with a pulse and a strong arm. Our latest transient savior, quarterback Brendan Sorsby, just learned a valuable lesson in accountability. The NFL has officially informed the 22-year-old that they will not be holding a special supplemental draft [...]

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Desperate for Cash, Shallowater ISD Will Let Outside Kids Transfer In—Assuming They Pass the “Shallowater Way” Vibe Check

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 19 Jun 2026 13:24:24 +0000

Well, well, well. Look who comes crawling back to the open market. For the first time in over a decade, Shallowater ISD is graciously opening its golden gates to out-of-district transfer students. Why the sudden burst of inclusivity? It certainly isn’t out of the goodness of their hearts. The district lost more than 60 students [...]

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Lubbock’s Finest Hour: Paying a Quarterback Not to Play Football and Calling it “Integrity”

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 19 Jun 2026 13:09:33 +0000

Our beloved Texas Tech Board of Regents Chairman, Cody Campbell, recently sat down for a chat with EverythingLubbock.com to explain how beautifully the university handled the Brendan Sorsby gambling circus. In case you missed this multi-million-dollar soap opera, Sorsby—the transfer quarterback who managed to achieve legendary status in Lubbock without ever taking a single snap [...]

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Folded Before the Flop: Tech’s $1 Million Quarterback Flees to the NFL After Burning Down College Football

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 15:33:04 +0000

Leave it to Texas Tech to trigger a multi-state legal war, alienate half the collegiate sports world, and get sued by our own conference, all for a guy who will literally never play a single down for the Red Raiders. Our prized transfer quarterback, Brendan Sorsby—who was brought in on a flashy $5 million NIL [...]

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Texas Tech and Ken Paxton Team Up to Prove Football is More Important Than Minor Things Like ‘The Law’

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 12 Jun 2026 12:23:20 +0000

Only in Lubbock could a quarterback transfer in, get caught illegally wiring $90,000 out-of-state to fuel a massive sports-gambling addiction—including betting on his own damn team while at Indiana—and somehow become the victim we all need to rally behind. After the NCAA rightfully banned Texas Tech’s supposed savior, Brendan Sorsby, a local judge did the [...]

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Lubbock Judge Rules Betting On Your Own Team Is Just A ‘Healing Journey,’ And Now The Whole Country Hates Us

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 10 Jun 2026 19:38:09 +0000

Welcome to Lubbock, where the ultimate cardinal sin of sports—betting on your own damn team—isn’t a lifetime ban; it’s just a great excuse to skip the boring non-conference games. Our brilliant local 99th District Court Judge, Ken Curry, just granted an emergency injunction allowing transfer quarterback Brendan Sorsby to suit up for the Red Raiders [...]

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Game, Set, Match: Lubbock Pauses Tennis Lessons After Shocking Discovery That Free Court Time Doesn’t Balance the Budget

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 14:54:03 +0000

The City of Lubbock has officially pressed pause on all private lessons at the Burgess-Rushing Tennis Center. Why? Because during a rare and terrifying display of basic accounting—triggered by a center supervisor jumping ship—city officials suddenly realized they were bleeding cash. It turns out the tennis center is burning through a $280,000 annual budget while [...]

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Texas Tech QB Brendan Sorsby Gambles Away His Eligibility, Hires State House Speaker to Argue Betting on Your Own Team is Actually ‘Self-Care’

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 02 Jun 2026 15:27:18 +0000

Texas Tech’s projected savior under center, quarterback Brendan Sorsby, spent his Monday morning in a Lubbock courtroom begging a judge to let him play football this fall. The big, bad NCAA recently declared Sorsby permanently ineligible, which seems a bit harsh until you look at the minor detail that he placed thousands of sports bets [...]

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Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott Team Up to Micromanage the Only Two Things Texas Cares About: Football and Affordable Cover-ups

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 29 May 2026 14:51:08 +0000

Just when you thought life in Lubbock couldn’t get any more thrilling than watching tumbleweeds collect in the local supermarket parking lot, our political overlords have descended from their ivory towers to save us. First up on the savior docket is Senator Ted Cruz, who has graciously blessed the nation with a massive 111-page legislative [...]

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Tech Shocked to Learn NCAA Rules Actually Apply to Starting Quarterbacks

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 27 May 2026 12:35:23 +0000

In a devastating blow to the concept of “football exceptionalism,” the NCAA rudely denied Texas Tech’s request to reinstate quarterback Brendan Sorsby. Sorsby just wrapped up a 35-day stay at an inpatient rehab facility for a gambling addiction and anxiety disorder. While we’re genuinely glad the kid is getting the help he needs, Tech administrators [...]

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Lubbock Forced to Import Out-of-Town Judge Because Finding a Local Who Doesn’t Worship Tech Football is Impossible

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 21 May 2026 21:05:55 +0000

God forbid anything interrupts the holy sacrament of Texas Tech football. Our latest savior under center, transfer quarterback Brendan Sorsby, is currently locked in a legal deathmatch with the NCAA because—shocker—the rules against athletes gambling apparently apply to him, too. Sorsby took a leave of absence in April to address a gambling addiction that reportedly [...]

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Tech’s $4 Million Savior QB is Suing the NCAA Because He Couldn’t Stop Betting on Romanian Soccer

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 18 May 2026 21:38:00 +0000

Just when Texas Tech fans thought they could finally enjoy something nice—fresh off our first-ever Big 12 Championship and a trip to the College Football Playoff—the universe reminded us that we live in Lubbock. Our shiny new $4 million transfer savior, quarterback Brendan Sorsby, is currently banned from the gridiron. Why? Because the NCAA is [...]

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Covenant Hospital’s Elite Diagnostic Team Takes Four Days to Realize a Stroking Teenager Isn’t Just High

lubbock-sucks — Sat, 16 May 2026 18:34:12 +0000

Welcome to Lubbock, where if a 17-year-old athlete collapses and starts vomiting profusely, our premier local medical minds at Covenant automatically assume he’s just on a wicked teenage bender. Britton Voss, a high school junior and baseball pitcher, suffered a literal stroke last Saturday. But instead of getting immediate, life-saving imaging, he spent four whole [...]

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Lubbock’s Luck Runs Out: Tech’s New QB Hits the Jackpot of NCAA Investigations

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 15:33:23 +0000

Well, it happened again. Just as we were starting to convince ourselves that Texas Tech football might actually provide a distraction from the seasonal dust storms and the creeping existential dread of living in the South Plains, our $5 million savior, Brendan Sorsby, is checking out. He’s heading to an out-of-state residential treatment program for [...]

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Texas Tech Discovers ‘Sophistication’ Involves Charging 133,000 People a Month’s Rent to Hear ‘Check Yes or No’

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 12:45:23 +0000

Well, “The King” has finally abdicated his throne at Jones AT&T Stadium, leaving behind nothing but empty beer cans, lingering clouds of cologne, and a Texas Tech administration that is absolutely giddy over how much money they just squeezed out of the South Plains. President Lawrence Schovanec took a victory lap this week, noting that [...]

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Tech’s $5 Million Messiah Bets the House (and the Season) on a Gambling Addiction

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 27 Apr 2026 17:38:54 +0000

Welcome to Lubbock, the only place on Earth where we can find a literal “Chosen One” to save our football program and he still manages to parlay his career into a residential treatment facility before the first coin toss. Brendan Sorsby, the $5 million man and No. 1 transfer portal prize, is taking a leave [...]

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Schovanec Finds a New Hobby: Professional Boot Licking for the ‘Save College Sports’ Circus

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 13:04:48 +0000

While the rest of the college sports world is busy rolling its eyes at President Trump’s latest executive order, Texas Tech President Lawrence Schovanec is busy practicing his curtsy. The “Save College Sports” order—which has the legal weight of a damp napkin at a tailgate—promises to “restore order” by limiting athletes to a single transfer [...]

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Lubbock’s Weekend Demolition Derby: Because Who Needs Stop Signs or Physics Anyway?

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 09 Mar 2026 16:16:32 +0000

Welcome back to another edition of Lubbock Sucks, the only place that tracks our city’s transition from “Hub City” to “High-Speed Collision Capital of the South Plains.” This past weekend, Lubbock drivers decided that staying between the lines was far too mainstream, opting instead for a city-wide game of bumper cars with actual human lives. [...]

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Red Raider Baseballer Masters the “Curveball” (and the Curb)

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 15:07:50 +0000

Texas Tech freshman Jesse Rusinek decided to kick off the week by adding a little spice to his stat sheet: one count of Driving While Intoxicated with an Open Container. The 19-year-old pitcher/outfielder was booked into the Lubbock County Detention Center early Monday morning, proving that even the most promising recruits can’t avoid the local [...]

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Tech’s New QB Learns That ‘Guns Up’ Doesn’t Apply to Paying Your Debts

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 15:44:47 +0000

Welcome to the modern era of college sports, where the playbook has been replaced by a litigation manual. Our new savior under center, Brenden Sorsby, is currently being chased across state lines—not by a defensive end, but by the University of Cincinnati’s legal department. It turns out the Bearcats are a little sensitive about Sorsby [...]

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AT&T Finally Realizes Nobody Has Actually Said Their Name Since 2006

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 20 Feb 2026 16:07:07 +0000

In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has ever tried to get a decent signal in certain parts of town, AT&T is officially ghosting Texas Tech. After twenty years of slapping their logo on the side of Jones Stadium, the telecom giant has decided that their naming rights deal has reached its expiration [...]

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Joey McGuire Signs $52M “Forever” Deal, Because Nothing Says Lubbock Like Eternal Football Optimism

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 13:12:43 +0000

Texas Tech has officially decided it has found The One. Head football coach Joey McGuire signed a seven-year contract extension that keeps him in Lubbock through January 2033, a deal worth $51.9 million before incentives. McGuire recently said he wants to be at Tech “for the rest of his life,” which is sweet, assuming buyouts [...]

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Texas Tech Looks at NIL Rulebook, Decides “Nah, We’re Good”

lubbock-sucks — Sun, 23 Nov 2025 21:51:40 +0000

Texas Tech’s general counsel has advised the university to skip signing a new College Sports Commission enforcement agreement—because apparently the Big 12’s hottest NIL spender doesn’t feel like being told what to do. The Power 4 conferences sent out an 11-page “pretty please follow the rules” contract requiring schools to abide by new enforcement decisions [...]

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Red Raider Fans Shell Out Rent Money to Watch Gameday Glory (and Maybe a Touchdown)

lubbock-sucks — Mon, 03 Nov 2025 17:41:57 +0000

Welcome back to big-time college football, where the price of school spirit rivals a month’s mortgage. For Texas Tech fans hoping to see the No. 9 Red Raiders take on No. 8 BYU, SeatGeek is asking for anywhere between $467 and a soul—up to $2,584—for a ticket. Even the nosebleed section will set you back [...]

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Tech Bans Tortillas: Lubbock’s Most Sacred Starch Outlawed

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 13:05:28 +0000

Texas Tech has officially banned tortilla throwing at football games — yes, the harmless, paper-thin symbol of Red Raider spirit has been declared too dangerous for the gridiron. Athletic Director Kirby Hocutt said the move was necessary to avoid 15-yard penalties and six-figure fines from the Big 12, which now treats flying flour like live [...]

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Big 12 Puts a Price Tag on Lubbock’s Flying Tortillas

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 17 Oct 2025 13:49:28 +0000

The Big 12 has decided it’s had enough of Lubbock’s most aerodynamic school spirit tradition. Starting immediately, any “items” — yes, that includes tortillas — tossed onto the field during a Texas Tech game will cost the school a 15-yard penalty and a $100,000 fine on the second offense. The first offense gets you a [...]

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Tortillas, Touchdowns, and Throwing Knives: Another Saturday at Jones Stadium

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 14:41:35 +0000

Only in Lubbock can a college football game escalate from tossing tortillas to tossing knives. During Texas Tech’s 42–17 victory over Kansas, a closed pocket knife mysteriously appeared on the Jayhawks’ sideline, sparking an investigation by the Big 12 and a whole lot of local facepalming. Tech officials insist it’s all being handled “internally,” which, [...]

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Texas Tech Unveils “Modernized” Double T—Because What They Really Needed Was a New Logo

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 07 Oct 2025 15:53:39 +0000

Texas Tech Athletics just announced a “new era” for the Red Raiders — not with a championship or new facilities, but with a modernized Double T logo and a whole “suite of athletic marks.” Because when you can’t fix the football team, at least you can fix the font. The new design, which looks like [...]

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More Victims, More Charges: Ex-Coach’s Past Just Keeps Getting Worse

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 17:35:16 +0000

Former Lubbock ISD coach and teacher Jeremy Maxfield, 41, just had another charge slapped onto his already disgusting rap sheet after yet another victim came forward. Court records now show he faces a fourth charge of sexual assault of a child — because apparently three wasn’t enough. The latest victim told investigators she was just [...]

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Ex-Lubbock High Coach Busted for Sex Crimes — Classroom Became Crime Scene

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 19:19:55 +0000

Jeremy Maxfield, 41, a former Lubbock High School teacher and track coach, was arrested by U.S. Marshals and charged with three counts of sexual assault of a child plus one count of improper relationship between an educator and a student. Court records say the crimes happened in late 2019 — and yes, on school grounds. [...]

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Big 12 Cracks Down on Tossed Tortillas, But Texas Tech Fans Aren’t Folding Yet

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 14 Aug 2025 17:57:49 +0000

The Big 12 Conference just voted 15–1 to toughen its ban on throwing objects onto the field, and Texas Tech’s famous tortilla-tossing ritual is directly in the crosshairs. Under the new enforcement, teams get two warnings before refs start slapping 15-yard penalties on the third offense. Tortillas at kickoff? Still technically allowed—but only once before [...]

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From 0–10 to 7–5… to Fired: Monterey Coach Gets the Thrash Treatment

lubbock-sucks — Fri, 09 May 2025 23:43:25 +0000

Monterey football coach Judd Thrash took the Plainsmen from absolute rock bottom—a 0–10 embarrassment in 2022—to a district title and playoff win in 2024. That kind of turnaround usually gets you a key to the city, or at least a contract extension. But this is Lubbock ISD, so naturally, it ends with a job posting [...]

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Monterey Football Coach Crashes, Burns—Literally and Figuratively

lubbock-sucks — Sat, 05 Apr 2025 22:49:00 +0000

Monterey High head football coach Judd Thrash spent his Saturday morning in the Lubbock County Detention Center after allegedly getting drunk, crashing his car, and then forgetting the part where you’re supposed to leave your info after hitting something. Bond: $2,500. Street cred: priceless. Thrash was arrested near 130th and Quaker and now faces DWI [...]

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Texas Tech Fans Chuck BuzzBalls, Prove They’re the Real 12th Man of Chaos

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 11:24:00 +0000

Saturday’s Texas Tech vs. Colorado matchup may not have gone the Red Raiders’ way on the field, but the student section sure found a way to leave their mark—by pelting the turf with vape pens, BuzzBalls, and booze. Because nothing screams school spirit like turning the 50-yard line into a landfill. Coach Joey McGuire admitted [...]

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Drunk Teen in a Truck vs. Football Team in a Bus: Guess Who Lost

lubbock-sucks — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 00:59:00 +0000

After ACU’s game against Texas Tech, a charter bus full of football players and coaches got slammed at Marsha Sharp and University by a 19-year-old who decided traffic laws — and sobriety — were optional. The bus got shoved into another car, four people were hospitalized, and Head Coach Keith Patterson lost his Chick-fil-A sandwich [...]

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Bob Knight: Great Coach, Terrible Neighbor in a Dove Field

lubbock-sucks — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 15:28:00 +0000

Two Lubbock residents say they got more than just front-row seats to Bob Knight’s hunting hobby—they got peppered with birdshot. Mary Ann Chumley says the coach accidentally clipped her foot (and her horse) while shooting too close to her barn. Knight apologized, she forgave him, end of story. But James Simpson, who lives nearby, says [...]

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Welcome to Lubbock: Arrested, Handcuffed, and Then Oops, Our Bad

lubbock-sucks — Thu, 19 Nov 1998 15:47:00 +0000

Hampton University women’s basketball coach Patricia Bibbs, her husband, and an assistant coach found themselves in the middle of a very Lubbock-style “oops.” Police accused them of running a con game called the “pigeon drop” after a woman claimed assistant coach Vanetta Kelso was the scammer. Handcuffs, jail time, humiliation—the whole nine yards. After hours [...]

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