Apparently, the local news left out the most “Lubbock” part of the Judah Hew story: the victim he targeted in that Amigos bathroom was reportedly only 14 years old. Because if you’re going to be a drug-fueled monster, why not go for the maximum possible prison sentence while you’re at it? Hew allegedly crawled under a stall door after asking for toilet paper—a tactic so pathetic and predatory it makes the “free candy” van look like a sophisticated heist.
After the assault, Hew bolted, leading a mob of West Texas “Good Samaritans” on a chase that ended on Baylor Street. Honestly, it’s a miracle the crowd didn’t turn him into a permanent fixture of the pavement before the police arrived. When the LPD finally stepped in, Hew offered the defense of the century: he thought the victim was his girlfriend. If your idea of a romantic surprise involves slithering under a bathroom partition to ambush a teenager, you’re not just high—you’re a Lubbock-tier catastrophe.
The United Family, owners of Amigos, issued a statement claiming guest safety is their “top priority.” It’s a bold claim for a store where someone can apparently spend twenty minutes playing Spiderman in the women’s restroom without a single employee noticing. We’re all eagerly awaiting the “increased security measures”—maybe they’ll actually hire someone to look at the floor occasionally to check for crawling creepers?
As of Wednesday, Hew is sitting in the Lubbock County Detention Center on a $100,000 bond. That’s roughly the price of a well-equipped pickup truck, which seems like a bargain for a guy who just turned a grocery run into the most terrifying local headline of the year.
Do we get a discount on our groceries if we have to perform our own tactical sweep of the bathroom stalls, or is the trauma just included in the loyalty rewards program?
