Just when you thought the Texas Railroad Commission was a boring-as-dirt agency that handles oil permits and gas flaring, candidate Bo French showed up at CPAC to remind us that it’s actually about global demographic engineering. French, who is currently in a runoff to oversee our pipelines, decided to pivot from “fracking” to “firing everyone” by suggesting we deport 100 million people. That’s roughly one-third of the U.S. population—or just enough people to make the afternoon commute on Loop 289 actually tolerable for once.
During a panel titled “Don’t Sharia My Texas”—which sounds like a rejected Toby Keith B-side—French ditched the usual political dog whistles for a megaphone. He told the crowd that the real problem isn’t just “Sharia law,” it’s Islam itself, claiming that if “they” conquer Texas, they’ll control the whole country. Never mind that Muslims make up less than 2% of the Texas population. In the modern GOP’s world, 2% is apparently a “critical mass” large enough to justify an existential meltdown. If only we were this concerned about the potholes on 34th Street, we might actually get somewhere.
French wasn’t alone in this “Fear Thy Neighbor” festival. He was joined by Jenny Story of Patriot Mobile—a cellphone company for people who think Verizon is too “woke”—who admitted the party is finally embracing the “Islamophobic” label. Even Governor Greg Abbott hopped on stage later to brag about fighting this “threat” for over a decade. It’s truly comforting to know that while our power grid is held together by duct tape and the hopes of a thousand West Texas cotton farmers, our leaders are laser-focused on stopping a group of people who are mostly just trying to survive Houston traffic.
If we actually deport 100 million people, who exactly is going to be left to buy the gas Bo is running to regulate—or is the plan to just turn the entire Permian Basin into a giant, empty parking lot?
