In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has ever spent a Tuesday in February staring at a tumbleweed, the Texas Tech University System Board of Regents has decided that Lubbock simply isn’t big enough for their egos this week. For the first time ever, the board is dragging their meeting all the way to Dallas. Apparently, the “Hub City” lost its spoke, because our esteemed leaders need to see the “programs and research” at the TTUHSC Dallas campus—which is a fancy way of saying they wanted a better selection of steakhouses and a primary care physician who doesn’t recognize them at the United Supermarket.
This little field trip marks the official debut of our new Chancellor, Brandon Creighton. He’s been on the job since November, but clearly, the best way to lead a Lubbock-based institution is to make sure you’re in a different zip code before the gavel hits the table. The official line is that they want “firsthand insight” into their component institutions. Translation: they’ve seen enough red dirt and wind for one quarter and decided that “advancing the mission” looks a lot more prestigious when it’s framed by the Dallas skyline instead of a cotton field.
Of course, the real reason for the road trip might be that Creighton is about as popular in Lubbock right now as a dust storm at a wedding. After spending his first few months “fixing” problems that didn’t exist—like making sure students play a fun game of “Redact the Syllabus” and ensuring the Health Sciences Center remembers that “open inquiry” is bad for the brand—he’s probably realized that the “Guns Up, Mouths Shut” policy works better when the mouths are 300 miles away.
Creighton, the man who promised “common sense” before immediately explaining why he knows more about education than the people actually doing the educating, seems to find the Dallas air a bit more refreshing. It’s easier to roll out the “Don’t Think Too Hard” curriculum and pretend race and gender are mythical creatures when you aren’t bumping into the faculty members whose departments you’re dismantling at the local HEB.
The schedule for Thursday is a real thrill-ride of bureaucracy, featuring such hits as “Approval of Minutes” and the ever-popular “Executive Session,” where they’ll spend five and a half hours behind closed doors. Don’t worry, though—there’s a livestream for the three people in Lubbock who want to watch a grainy feed of wealthy people in suits discussing “Finance and Investments” while sitting in a city that actually has a functional airport.
It’s truly a milestone for the TTU System: showing the students that if you work hard, study fast, and rise to the top of the administration, you too can eventually earn the right to never have to step foot in Lubbock again.
Is this a “campus visit,” or is Creighton just trying to see if the Dallas skyline is tall enough to hide him from the consequences of his own policy decisions?