Welcome to Lubbock, where if a 17-year-old athlete collapses and starts vomiting profusely, our premier local medical minds at Covenant automatically assume he’s just on a wicked teenage bender. Britton Voss, a high school junior and baseball pitcher, suffered a literal stroke last Saturday. But instead of getting immediate, life-saving imaging, he spent four whole days sitting in a hospital bed while staff insisted he must have “taken something.” Because obviously, kids don’t have vascular emergencies in West Texas—they just do drugs.
Once Covenant finally stumbled upon the magical, high-tech wizardry known as an MRI ninety-six hours later, they realized their massive oopsie, panicked, and airlifted him to a proper facility in Fort Worth. Now, everyone is scrambling to figure out how a young, healthy athlete suddenly developed a terrifying blood clot. Naturally, because we live in a state of perpetual collective amnesia, absolutely no one is uttering the word “COVID”—you know, the ongoing pandemic known globally for causing severe vascular damage and random clotting.
Instead, doctors are bending over backward to invent far more creative explanations, settling on a rare condition called “Bow Hunter Syndrome.” Their current working theory? The kid pitched a baseball too hard, turned his neck, and gave himself a stroke. We have officially reached the point where the biomechanics of a standard sports throw are considered a higher cardiovascular threat than a literal blood-clotting virus that has been circulating the globe for years.
We are genuinely glad Britton is surviving this and recovering his functional status, even if his short-term memory is currently wiped out. Then again, forgetting you were ever stuck in a Lubbock hospital that needs four days to spot a stroke might actually be a mercy.
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