Because life in the High Plains isn’t depressing enough, Clovis decided to host a party titled “Project Drunk,” which ended exactly how you’d expect a party named after a blackout to end. We finally have a second suspect in custody, Enrique Juarez Padilla, who was discovered playing the world’s saddest game of hide-and-seek in a detached garage. Police weren’t even there for the mass shooting at first—they were just responding to a standard domestic dispute when Padilla basically fell into their laps. Consistency in criminal excellence is key, people.
The motive for turning a Grand Street gathering into a shooting gallery? Apparently, Padilla had some “issues” with an attendee’s brother. Naturally, the logical solution to a petty squabble is to spray twenty-two 9mm rounds into a building, killing 21-year-old Lyrasha Haskins and wounding six others. It’s the kind of high-level conflict resolution we’ve come to expect from people who think a ski mask makes them invisible in a town where everyone recognizes your car from the Taco Bell drive-thru.
Speaking of the car, let’s give a participation trophy to 19-year-old Kaleb Moreno-Ponce. Nothing says “criminal mastermind” like using a blue Chevy Equinox as a getaway vehicle and then immediately trying to turn it into a cube of scrap metal at Ed’s Recycling. The real chef’s kiss on this story? Moreno-Ponce brought his mother along to sign the paperwork at the scrapyard. Nothing warms the heart like a mother supporting her son’s extracurricular activities, even when those activities involve disposing of evidence from a homicide.
Between the “Project Drunk” branding and the family trip to the recycling center, it’s clear that New Mexico is giving Lubbock a run for its money in the “What Were You Thinking?” department. Padilla is now facing a laundry list of charges including first-degree murder and enough counts of aggravated assault to ensure he won’t be attending any parties—drunk or otherwise—for a very long time.
Who knew the “Project” in “Project Drunk” actually stood for “Project: Spend the Rest of Your Youth in a Curry County Jail Cell”?
