In today’s episode of “Lubbock Drivers vs. Basic Physics,” a middle schooler from McCool Academy tried the radical experiment of using a designated crosswalk at 31st and Quaker. Unsurprisingly, a local motorist—likely distracted by a stray tumbleweed or the existential dread of being on Quaker Avenue at 8:00 a.m.—decided the crosswalk was more of a suggestion than a rule and plowed right into them.
Because we live in a city where “yielding” is considered a sign of weakness, every emergency department in the zip code descended on the scene. We’re talking LISD Police, LPD, Fire Rescue, and EMS. It’s a miracle they didn’t cause a secondary ten-car pileup just trying to find a place to park. The student was somehow able to walk to the sidewalk before being carted off to the hospital, proving that Lubbock children are significantly heartier than the asphalt they’re forced to navigate.
LISD released a statement essentially saying, “Business as usual, kids!” while reminding everyone that if watching a classmate get bounced off a hood was “stressful,” there’s a phone number you can call. Meanwhile, the LISD Police are “leading the investigation,” which is a fancy way of saying they’re looking into the shocking mystery of how a car and a human ended up in the same spot at the same time in a marked school zone.
Maybe if we spend another $50 million on road construction, we can finally build a street that even a Lubbock driver can’t mess up, but don’t hold your breath.
Is it really a “school zone” if the drivers treat the speed limit signs like high-score challenges?
