In a move that will surely shock the three people in this city who actually use their blinkers, local media is once again trying to convince us that seat belts—those pesky polyester death-traps—might actually keep you from flying through your windshield like a human cannonball. Apparently, “because my grandpappy survived the 70s without one” isn’t a scientifically sound medical defense anymore. Who knew?
The stats are out, and they’re about as fun as a dust storm in May. Even though only 8% of Texas drivers are brave (or “Lubbock-stubborn”) enough to skip the click, they managed to account for half of all traffic deaths in 2023. It’s almost as if Physics doesn’t care about your personal brand of rugged individualism or how much you hate being “pinned down” by safety webbing.
Our local defenders of liberty claim they’re afraid of being trapped in a burning wreck, because clearly, the best way to handle a high-speed collision is to be ejected into a mesquite bush 40 yards away. And since Texas didn’t mandate these things until 1985, a significant portion of our population treats the seat belt chime like a personal challenge from the government rather than a helpful reminder that they’re currently piloting a two-ton metal brick at 75 mph around the Loop.
Even the kids are getting in on the “tradition.” In 2024, 19% of Texas accidents involved teenagers, with 132 fatal crashes featuring drivers who were unbuckled. But hey, why listen to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration when you can listen to “the guy at the bar who knows a guy”? It’s a classic Lubbock trade-off: save two seconds of effort, risk a $200 fine, and potentially become a permanent part of the West Texas landscape.
If you’re still convinced that a seat belt is a violation of your constitutional right to hit the steering wheel with your face, just remember: it’s a lot harder to complain about “big government” when you’re being scraped off the asphalt.