In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has ever seen a Lubbock driver navigate a four-way stop, county officials have decided that while every single neighbor we have is currently under a burn ban, we’re just… not. As of Wednesday, Hockley, Terry, and Lubbock are the lone holdouts in a region currently famous for being a tinderbox with a wind problem. Apparently, our dirt is just built different.
Assistant Fire Chief Kevin Henricks’ logic is a real treat: he argues that having a burn ban would actually result in more work because people would call the fire department every time they saw someone burning a trash pile. Heaven forbid the fire department has to respond to reports of people violating fire safety laws during a drought. It’s much more efficient to just wait until that trash fire becomes a 500-acre problem before getting off the couch.
County Judge Curtis Parrish is also leaning heavily into the “it can’t happen here” vibe, noting that most of our land is cotton, which doesn’t “necessarily” generate wildfires. Because as we all know, dried-out organic plant matter is famously fireproof. Parrish says the Commissioners Court is just trusting the volunteer chiefs, who claim they have the “resources to put those down as we see them.” It’s a bold strategy, Cotton—let’s see if it pays off when the 50-mph gusts meet a burning pile of junk mail.
The official advice from our leadership? “Use your common sense.” This is being issued to a population that regularly tries to drag race through dust storms and thinks “yield” is a suggestion. They suggest keeping “something nearby” to put out the fire if your trash pit gets out of hand. You know, like a garden hose with zero water pressure or perhaps a very large, optimistic bucket of sand.
Who needs a burn ban when you have the invincible power of “probably being fine” and a county judge who thinks cotton fields are basically giant wet blankets?
