Christopher Martin, a 41-year-old from Sandusky, Ohio, has officially been indicted on federal kidnapping charges after what can only be described as a holy road trip gone to hell. Martin claimed to be a “disciple” traveling the country in his tricked-out van, raising money for churches — which in Lubbock apparently translates to “creepy gym guy with a machete and a chain saw.”
The victim, a gym employee, said she dated Martin briefly before realizing he might be more Exorcist than evangelist. When she tried to end things, he allegedly threw her phone, threw her into his van, and then told her she had “the spirit of Jezebel” — because nothing says godly humility like a headlock and a parking lot sermon.
After driving off and refusing to let her out, Martin eventually brought her back, where she told coworkers what happened and police confirmed her story using phone data. He was later arrested in Florida (naturally), the final stop on his “Faith, Fear, and Felonies” national tour.
Maybe next time he can raise money for his own defense attorney — or at least fund a new definition of “mission work.”
