Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, a man who knows a thing or two about being under investigation himself, has decided to spend his time auditing the interior decor of Lubbock ISD. Paxton is “investigating” whether our local schools are complying with Senate Bill 10, the high-priority law that ensures every child has a convenient stone-tablet cheat sheet for basic morality right next to the periodic table. Because if there’s one thing Lubbock is missing, it’s definitely more religious signage.
The AG is also demanding proof that the board of trustees voted on Senate Bill 11, which requires schools to decide if they want a state-mandated “Jesus o’clock” for prayer and Bible reading. Our school board actually exhibited a rare moment of logic in February and voted it down, pointing out that students in the “City of Churches” already have plenty of time to pray—usually right before they see their physics midterms. Apparently, “freedom of religion” isn’t nearly as fun for the state as “mandatory religious scheduling.”
In a move that surprises absolutely no one familiar with Texas politics, LISD found out they were being investigated through a press release. Why bother with the professional courtesy of a phone call or an official letter when you can just blast it to the media for those sweet, sweet political points? LISD has fired back, essentially saying, “Relax, Ken, we’ve got the posters up,” and confirming they did indeed hold the required vote, even if the outcome didn’t result in more forced piety.
So, while our teachers are busy trying to figure out how to buy school supplies on a hobbyist’s salary, the state is making sure we’ve used our “donated” posters to remind third graders not to covet their neighbor’s ox. It’s comforting to know that in a state with a collapsing power grid and a literal border crisis, the top legal mind is focused on whether or not Lubbock’s classroom walls are sufficiently holy.
At least the kids will finally have a written reminder not to bear false witness while they’re being told that “investigation” is just another word for “campaigning,” right?
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