Leave it to Lubbock to turn Breaking Bad into a boring faculty meeting. While most Texas Tech professors are busy complaining about parking pass prices or trying to explain inflation to nineteen-year-olds who think a “budget” is just a suggestion from their parents, Daniel Taylor was out here living the dream. As an assistant professor of marketing and supply chain management, Taylor apparently decided that the best way to teach “just-in-time” inventory was to run a drug ring out of his apartment.
The feds say Professor Taylor wasn’t just grading papers; he was branding. Forget generic baggies—our boy was moving powder with “Pink Flamingo” and “Ghost” logos. Because if there’s one thing the Rawls College of Business teaches you, it’s that you can’t charge premium prices without a solid aesthetic. Unfortunately, his “supply chain” hit a bit of a snag when his business associates, Alisha Red-Eagle and Mackenzie Gilcrease, kept getting pulled over for traffic violations. Pro-tip for the aspiring kingpins: if you’re hauling a pink envelope full of fentanyl and meth, maybe remember to use your blinker?
The U.S. Attorney, Ryan Raybould, couldn’t resist the low-hanging fruit, noting that Taylor was “implementing his own supply chain of lethal fentanyl.” Groundbreaking analysis, Ryan. Meanwhile, law enforcement raided Taylor’s place and found a literal arts-and-crafts station of pink stickers and “ghost” graphics. It’s comforting to know that while the streets of Lubbock are being flooded with narcotics, the guy behind it was at least concerned about color coordination.
Taylor and his team of overachievers now face up to twenty years in federal prison. It’s a tough break for the Marketing department, but honestly, “Pink Flamingo” is a pretty catchy name. If the whole “tenured professor” thing doesn’t work out after his release in 2046, at least he’s got a portfolio.
Does this mean my “Intro to Supply Chain” credits are still transferable, or is the final exam now just a supervised urine test?