Our favorite part-time resident and full-time soundbite machine, Ted Cruz, is back to save us from the terrifying prospect of… birds. Ted is championing a law to ensure the Muleshoe Wildlife Refuge never expands, because nothing says “Texas Freedom” like making sure 700,000 acres of dirt stay exactly as dusty and unproductive as God intended.
The federal plan to protect the Lesser Prairie-Chicken and the Pronghorn Antelope was actually scrapped last year, but Ted and Rep. Jodey Arrington are still shadow-boxing the ghost of the Biden administration. The original plan relied on “voluntary transactions,” but Ted is convinced that West Texas landowners are so weak-willed they might accidentally sell their property to the government if a park ranger asks them nicely. We really need the “No FED in West Texas Act” to protect us from our own inability to say “no” to a check.
Ted argues that environmental protections aren’t “common sense” and are just a conspiracy to “shut down businesses.” Because, as we all know, the only thing standing between Lubbock and global economic dominance is a handful of nervous chickens and some antelope. It’s a bold “get the heck out” to Washington from a man who spends 90% of his life in D.C. when he isn’t checking the weather in Cancun.
To keep the “property rights” vibe consistent, Cruz noted he’s totally cool with you selling your land to a massive, water-chugging data center instead of a refuge. He just wants these tech giants to be “net-negative” in power usage—which means he wants them to magically generate more electricity than they consume. Apparently, in Ted’s version of West Texas, we’ve decided to ignore the laws of thermodynamics along with the federal government.
After all, nothing says “steward of God’s creation” like paving over a bird sanctuary to build a server farm that violates the fundamental physics of the universe.
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