Chancellor Brandon Creighton (our favorite former state lawmaker turned academic overlord) has finally solved the biggest crisis facing West Texas: the existence of Women’s and Gender Studies. In a memo that screams “I didn’t actually enjoy my elective credits,” Creighton ordered the Texas Tech System to phase out any program “centered on” sexual orientation or gender identity. Because nothing says “National Research University” like making sure your students graduate with the social awareness of a 1952 Sears catalog.
The new rules are a real treat for anyone who enjoys the smell of academic stagnation. Faculty are now mandated to recognize only “two human sexes” and are strictly forbidden from teaching gender as a spectrum—unless, presumably, they’re talking about the spectrum of how fast professors are currently updating their LinkedIn profiles. If a textbook happens to mention that LGBTQ+ people exist, instructors are told not to “highlight” it or, heaven forbid, test anyone on it. It’s the “don’t ask, don’t tell, and definitely don’t put it on the final exam” approach to higher education.
To ensure no “garbage” (Creighton’s words, not mine) slips through the cracks, Tech actually built an AI algorithm to scan 14,000 courses for traces of modern sociology. Why bother with pesky things like “academic freedom” or “expert peer review” when you can have a robot hunt for keywords while the Board of Regents nods in expensive suits? The goal, according to the Chancellor, is to produce “degrees of value,” which we can only assume means degrees that are 100% guaranteed not to make your grumpy uncle uncomfortable at Thanksgiving.
Naturally, the American Association of University Professors is “condemning” the move, calling it viewpoint discrimination and a constitutional disaster. They seem to think that preparing students for a global workforce requires understanding, you know, the people in it. But Creighton is undeterred, claiming Tech is “defining” compliance for the rest of the nation. It’s a bold strategy: becoming a national leader by seeing who can stick their head the furthest into the Lubbock caliche.
If the goal is to prepare students for the “real world,” does the Texas Tech System plan on issuing blinders with every diploma, or do we just have to keep our eyes shut until we cross the New Mexico border?
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