Well, pack it up, everyone. Science and sociology are officially over in Lubbock. Our very own Chancellor Brandon Creighton—who transitioned from a Republican lawmaker to a university head faster than you can say “political appointment”—has decided that the best way to make Texas Tech a “national model” is to simply stop acknowledging that certain people exist. In a memo that reads like a redacted CIA document, Creighton has ordered the system to phase out any academic programs “centered on” sexual orientation and gender identity by June 15. Because nothing screams “academic freedom” like a hard deadline for deleting degrees.
In a move that is sure to attract the world’s brightest minds, the Texas Tech University System will now officially recognize only “two human sexes.” Instructors are now barred from teaching gender identity as a spectrum or suggesting there are more than two genders as a matter of fact. It’s a bold strategy for a Tier One research institution: if the data doesn’t fit your 1950s worldview, just pass a policy that says the data is illegal. We’re really putting the “Tech” in Texas Tech by using “high-tech” censorship to enforce “low-brow” biology.
To make sure no stray thoughts about human diversity slip through the cracks, Creighton boasted that the university “built an AI algorithm” to scrub through 14,000 syllabi and reading materials. Imagine being the software engineer tasked with teaching a computer how to be offended by a sociology reading list. They’ve already “proactively modified” nearly 300 courses, which is academic-speak for “scrubbed the syllabus before the thought police showed up.”
Creighton called the current curriculum “garbage” at a summit in Austin, promising that this purge will produce the “best curriculum in America.” It’s a classic Lubbock move: why bother competing with Ivy League research when you can just declare victory by being the first university to successfully lobotomize its own Humanities department? If a textbook mentions gender identity, faculty are told they don’t have to redact it, but they definitely shouldn’t “highlight it” or—heaven forbid—test students on it.
Who knew that the path to becoming a premier national university involved using artificial intelligence to make sure our students stay as uninformed as possible?
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