Remember in 2024 when the federal government threatened to force employers to pay overtime to anyone making less than $58,656? It was a terrifying prospect that would have put $1.5 billion into the pockets of millions of low-wage workers. Fortunately, Texas Attorney General and professional legal troll Ken Paxton sprinted to the courts to save us from the absolute horror of financial security. Thanks to his relentless crusade, the mandatory overtime threshold stays at a comfortable, poverty-adjacent $35,568. You’re welcome, working class!
Paxton’s foolproof legal playbook involves suing the Biden administration over 100 times by exploiting a hilarious loophole in the Texas judiciary. Instead of filing cases where things actually happen, Paxton drove his lawsuit machine up to single-judge conservative sanctuaries like Amarillo and Victoria. It turns out that when you hand-pick Trump-appointed judges to hear your complaints, you get to block everything from trans student protections to highway emission tracking nationwide. It’s not “judge-shopping,” guys—it’s just maximizing the efficiency of our taxpayer dollars to wage a permanent culture war.
By filing what his own former deputy called “minimally viable lawsuits,” Paxton has successfully blocked nursing home safety rules, energy-efficient housing standards, and even fought a 2.5-inch West Texas lizard to ensure the oil giants who fund his campaigns don’t lose a single dime. Sure, a Texas Tribune analysis shows he inflated his 80% win rate—it’s actually closer to two-thirds—but who cares about math when you’re owning the libs? Best of all, this relentless litigious theater completely blinded voters to his endless buffet of securities fraud charges, FBI investigations, and infidelities, helping him cruise to landslide victories.
After all, who needs a functional state government, clean air, or a living wage when you can sleep soundly knowing a tiny lizard in the West Texas sand dunes was successfully stripped of its endangered species status?
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