In a city where we can’t even seem to coordinate a four-way stop at a blinking red light, it should come as no surprise that our local criminal masterminds are struggling with the basic physics of “point the loud end away from your friends.” Last week, Jeremiah Guerrero and his soon-to-be-ex-best-friend decided to spice up a Monday morning by donning Halloween masks and firing seven rounds into a residence on East 2nd Place. Because nothing says “tough guy” like terrorizing children in their bedrooms while dressed like a low-budget 80s slasher flick.
The plan, if you can call it that, hit a bit of a snag when a witness yelled at the duo. Apparently, the pressure of being perceived was too much for Guerrero’s accomplice. In a moment of sheer, unadulterated Lubbock genius, the unidentified shooter looked at the witness, looked at Guerrero, and then promptly shot Guerrero in the head. The witness, playing the role of the only person in this story with a functioning brain cell, helpfully informed the shooter, “You dumbass, you just shot your friend.”
Guerrero, now gasping for air and minus one Jason mask, was abandoned by his partner-in-crime, who fled the scene with the grace of a startled jackrabbit. Despite the “matching gunshot wound to the head,” it took the Lubbock Police Department a few days to connect the dots—or perhaps they were just waiting to see if the irony would kill him before they could cuff him. Guerrero was eventually hauled off to the Lubbock County Detention Center on a $200,000 bond.
With friends like these, who needs a target on the back of their head?
https://www.everythinglubbock.com/news/local-news/lubbock-police-arrest-guerreo/