Happy Friday, Lubbock! While you were likely daydreaming about which Mexican food establishment would host your inevitable sodium overdose this evening, Lubbock High School decided to pivot into a high-stakes action movie—minus the budget or a coherent plot.
An “unknown subject” (local speak for “someone who didn’t study for their Physics mid-term”) called the police to claim they’d salted the campus with “multiple bombs” and planned to have a shootout with responding officers. Naturally, the Lubbock PD, the Bomb Squad, and Texas DPS descended upon the school, ready to play Call of Duty: Hub City Edition. After hours of K9s sniffing every locker for gunpowder and finding nothing but forgotten gym socks and half-eaten Allsups burritos, the “threat” was declared a big ol’ nothingburger. No bombs, no shooter, and no suspect—just a lot of taxpayer money spent on a Friday morning stroll.
But the real comedy set in during the “reunification” process. In a move that truly captures the LISD spirit, 2,000 students were hauled over to the Central Office like a massive shipment of confused cargo. Parents, already frazzled by the “We’re in lockdown” texts they got from their kids ten minutes before the official email, were forced into a pickup line that made the Chick-fil-A drive-thru on a Saturday look like an open highway.
The Court of Public Opinion
The local social media scene is, as always, a dumpster fire of hot takes and high-velocity snark:
- The Logistics Experts: On Facebook, the consensus is that “reunification” is just a fancy word for “standing in a parking lot until you go blind from the glare off the pavement.” One parent noted that the district manages 2,000 kids with the same efficiency as a one-armed man trying to gift-wrap a bicycle.
- The stranded Gen Z: Over on TikTok, the hashtag #LubbockHigh is trending with students filming “Evacuation OOTDs” from the back of school buses. Meanwhile, half the junior class is currently stranded because their car keys are locked inside a building that’s currently under canine surveillance.
- The Conspiracy Theorists: The Nextdoor crowd is already convinced this was a “security stress test” or a “psyop,” because apparently, the idea of a bored prankster is just too simple for the Lubbock brain trust.
- The “At Least We’re Out” Crowd: Despite the “trauma,” most students seem thrilled that a phantom bomb threat successfully canceled Friday afternoon classes. Who needs an education when you have a valid excuse to go to Sonic at 1:00 PM?
The investigation continues, but don’t hold your breath. If the suspect is as invisible as those bombs were, we’ll probably find them right around the same time the city finishes the construction on 34th Street.
Is it really a crisis if the students are more worried about their Snap streaks than the “multiple bombs” that didn’t exist?