Just when you think West Texas has a absolute monopoly on mind-numbing, logic-defying crime, our neighbors just across the state line in Clovis, New Mexico, scream “hold my warm Keystone Light.” Last month, Andrew Robles decided to completely reinvent the classic drive-by shooting by trading in a getaway car for some good old-fashioned pedal power. According to court documents, Clovis police responded to the 16th and Pile Church of Christ, where they found Daniel Flores dying of a gunshot wound in the parking lot. The entire sequence of events was caught on high-definition surveillance video, capturing a level of criminal mastermind behavior that is truly breathtaking.
The video shows Robles and a buddy cruising on their bicycles when they crossed paths with Flores, who was also on a bike. Convinced that Flores was “following” them—because apparently, two people riding bicycles in the same town is an immediate threat to national security—Robles chased him down. He cut Flores off, pulled a handgun from his waistband, and shot him in the abdomen without even getting off his bicycle. You really have to admire the core strength and balance required to execute a homicide while maintaining proper cycling posture.
The Post-Crime Cool Down
After leaving a man to die in a church parking lot, Robles did exactly what any cool, collected fugitive would do: he rode his bike over to his buddy’s house to drink beer for the rest of the evening. Because nothing pairs better with a freshly minted first-degree murder charge than a couple of cold ones with the guys.
Naturally, because committing a daylight shooting on a bicycle in front of security cameras isn’t exactly Ocean’s Eleven, the police tracked them down at the house. When investigators showed Robles a surveillance photo of himself pedaling away from the scene, he didn’t even try to deny it. Instead, he dropped this absolute gem of a justification: “I thought the guy was following me, so I did what I had to do.” Ah, yes. The classic “stand your ground” defense against a guy riding a multi-speed bicycle.
To put the final chef’s kiss on this tragedy of errors, Robles—who is already a convicted felon and legally banned from touching a firearm—proudly told police he used a Jimenez Arms .380 caliber handgun. Because if you’re going to throw your entire life away over a imaginary bicycle tail, you might as well do it using a notoriously cheap Saturday night special that probably cost less than the tires on your bike. Robles is currently sitting in the Curry County Jail facing first-degree murder, tampering with evidence, and felon in possession of a firearm.
Nothing says “hardcore gangster” quite like a bicycle-mounted execution followed by a celebratory porch beer, right?
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