The Wolfforth City Council—apparently bored or freshly inspired by whatever Mark Lee Dickson sermon they attended last—used its November meeting to pass yet another “Sanctuary City for the Unborn” ordinance. Yes, another one. In a state where abortion is already banned so hard it practically echoes. But don’t worry, this one has extra flair: it bans “abortion trafficking,” a made-up term invented to make Facebook uncles feel heroic.
The ordinance forbids everything from performing abortions (already illegal) to mailing pills (already illegal) to carrying fetal remains across state lines (???) to… checks notes… preventing “criminal organizations” from doing business in Wolfforth. Because nothing screams cartel activity like a 9,600-person suburb best known for being between Ropesville and a Costco.
Officials insist this is all about “closing loopholes,” which is a polite way of saying: “We need new ways to fight imaginary problems while ignoring actual ones.” Meanwhile, Lubbock County families are struggling with food insecurity, housing instability, and infrastructure that looks like it’s been personally attacked by God. But sure—rewrite the abortion laws for the eighth time. That’ll really stop the potholes from reproducing.
And, of course, the ordinance echoes the Texas Heartbeat Act’s vigilante-lawsuit enforcement method. Because nothing cultivates community like encouraging your neighbors to sue each other over hypothetical sins.
At this rate, will Wolfforth outlaw teleportation-based abortions next, or are they saving that for the December meeting?