Leave it to Lubbock to finally make national headlines again, and of course, it’s because one of our local news anchors decided a lighthearted morning segment about snack food was the perfect time to invoke international terrorism. During a recent broadcast of Good Day Lubbock, FOX 34 anchor James Eppler was introducing the new limited-edition, purple, BTS-themed Oreos when things took a sharp turn into the Twilight Zone.
While explaining that the cookies feature a South Korean hotteok-inspired cream filling and 13 special wafer designs, Eppler casually joked that if you put the messages together, they spell out “Death to America.” Because nothing says “imminent geopolitical threat to the Western world” quite like a cream-filled sandwich cookie celebrating a wildly popular boy band.
Naturally, his co-anchors instantly froze, likely seeing their careers flash before their eyes while realizing they were trapped on live television with a man who views the snack aisle through a Cold War lens. Eppler tried to laugh it off with a quick “No, it’s not,” but the damage was done. To make things even more embarrassing for the Hub City, Eppler isn’t just a guy reading a teleprompter; he’s also a professor at Texas Tech University, which really tells you everything you need to know about the caliber of higher education around here.
If there is one golden rule of the modern internet, it’s that you do not mess with K-pop fans. The BTS ARMY immediately descended upon social media like a swarm of furious hornets, dragging Eppler for his casual xenophobia and calling for his immediate firing. While BTS is busy sweeping the American Music Awards—taking home Artist of the Year and proving their global dominance—our local news guy is fighting for his life in the comment section over a brown sugar pancake-flavored cookie.
But hey, look on the bright side, Lubbock: at least we now know that if the apocalypse ever does come, it’ll be wrapped in a signature purple packaging and taste great with a glass of milk.
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