It’s Tuesday, May 26, and the 2026 Joint Primary Runoffs are officially here to drag us back to the polls because nobody could agree on a candidate back in March. Historically, only about 8.2% of registered Texas voters actually bother to show up for these political overtime rounds, meaning a tiny, highly reactive fraction of the population gets to decide the future for the rest of us. But if you do choose to exercise your civic duty in Lubbock today, you get to experience the ultimate in West Texas glamour: casting your ballot at local churches, schools, or, beautifully, right next to the ceiling fans in the lighting section of Sutherlands HomeBase.
Up at the top of the ballot, we have the Republican U.S. Senate race between incumbent John Cornyn and Attorney General Ken Paxton. This absolute circus of a campaign has already burned through more than $135 million in ad spending, mostly used to flood our TVs with ads detailing how much they hate each other. Paxton snagged a buzzer-beating endorsement from Donald Trump last week, while Cornyn is relying on the establishment GOP folks who are just desperately trying to stop bleeding cash. Meanwhile, the race to replace Paxton as AG features “MAGA Mayes” Middleton—who threw $17 million of his own family’s oil money into his campaign—squaring off against Chip Roy, who is keeping things humble with a casual $2.75 million injection from an Amarillo billionaire. It’s truly a heartwarming victory for the everyday working class.
Down here in District 19, we’re stuck cleaning up the mess left by Jodey Arrington, who decided he was done with us and didn’t seek reelection, leaving Abraham Enriquez and Tom Sell to fight over his hand-me-down congressional seat. And if that’s not spicy enough for you, there’s always the Railroad Commission runoff, where incumbent Jim Wright is trying to fend off Bo French. French is a hardright candidate bankrolled by oil billionaires whose platform involves screaming about the “Islamification” of Texas and suggesting the deportation of 100 million people. Because nothing says “I am qualified to regulate oil and gas infrastructure” quite like standard Twitter-troll brain rot.
But hey, look on the bright side: even if our democracy is collapsing into a billionaire-funded reality show, at least you can buy some discount fluorescent lightbulbs on your way out of the polling booth.
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