Welcome to Lubbock, where the only thing more dangerous than wandering around drunk on an access road at 5 a.m. is the police response. Early Saturday morning, out near the Preston Smith airport, 25-year-old Adonis Porter was reportedly intoxicated and annoying the employees of a local business. Doing exactly what you’re supposed to do, the workers called the Lubbock Police Department to come check on the guy and defuse the situation.
And boy, did they defuse it. After Porter wandered off the property and into the travel lanes of the southbound I-27 access road, a responding officer arrived at the scene with unparalleled efficiency—by promptly running Porter over with their patrol vehicle. Because why bother with a breathalyzer when you can just introduce the suspect to the front bumper of a police cruiser?
LPD proudly noted in their press release that officers immediately jumped out to render “life-saving measures” on the guy they had just critically injured. Porter was hauled off to UMC, where he remains hospitalized with serious injuries. Meanwhile, the officer reportedly sustained “minor injuries.” We can only assume those injuries were caused either by the deployment of an airbag, a spilled morning coffee, or the sheer physical exertion of treating the pedestrian they just flattened.
Now, LPD’s Major Crash Unit is on the case, which means the department is officially investigating itself to figure out how one of its own managed to hit the exact person they were dispatched to help. I’m sure we can expect a totally transparent and completely unbiased explanation in about three to five business decades.
If “protect and serve” now includes vehicular takedowns, wouldn’t it just be safer to let the drunks keep bothering the graveyard shift?
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