Ah, Tuesday evenings in Lubbock County. The sun sets, the wind howls, and the locals apparently decide to treat our flat, endless dirt roads like a demolition derby. This week’s contestant is 30-year-old Jason Boyd, who was arrested and charged with intoxication assault after a two-vehicle wreck near the sprawling, scenic metropolis of County Road 1200 and Private Road 6820.
Because the visibility in West Texas only allows you to see an oncoming car from roughly twelve miles away, Boyd somehow managed to collide with another vehicle. The crash was severe enough to eject the other driver, who sustained serious injuries. But don’t worry, Boyd’s truck made sure to leave an impression on the responding officers—specifically, the overwhelming aroma of booze and a truck bed serving as a graveyard for several opened containers of Twisted Tea. Because nothing says “tough Texas truck driver” quite like blacking out on malt-flavored sugary convenience store iced tea.
Naturally, Boyd decided to showcase his stellar crisis management skills after failing a Standard Field Sobriety Test. He refused to provide a blood sample, forcing authorities to go hunt down a judge to sign a warrant. Because as we all know, making a judge do extra paperwork while you smell like a spiked country club patio is a foolproof way to beat the rap. Boyd is currently cooling his heels at the Lubbock County Detention Center on a $40,000 bond.
We’d ask if the Twisted Tea marketing department is looking for a new West Texas spokesperson, but honestly, we’re just trying to figure out how many days in the county jail it takes to wash out the taste of absolute regret.
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