Remember last year’s catastrophic July 4 floods? The ones where 137 Texans tragically drowned, including 25 children at a Hill Country summer camp who couldn’t be reached because cell towers were down and emergency responders had no way to warn them? In a rare, fleeting moment of actual governance, the Texas Legislature passed a law requiring these rural camps to install end-to-end fiber-optic internet so they could, you know, receive emergency evacuation alerts before being swept down the Guadalupe River.
But don’t panic, freedom lovers! Our heroic politicians are already backpedaling faster than a kayak caught in a flash flood. Leading the charge to make summer camps delightfully dangerous again is none other than Lubbock’s very own Speaker of the House, Dustin Burrows, alongside Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick. After 19 luxury summer camps filed a lawsuit whining that installing reliable broadband is “too hard” and “too expensive”—with some receiving quotes upwards of $1.2 million—Burrows and Patrick gracefully surrendered. The dynamic duo issued a joint statement agreeing that fiber is just too much of a buzzkill, suggesting camps find “other means” to communicate during a deadly disaster. Perhaps smoke signals or a very loud megaphone?
This immediate capitulation shouldn’t surprise anyone who has survived a Texas legislative session. A recent investigation revealed that Texas lawmakers have spent the last 60 years aggressively rejecting over five dozen flood safety bills because, as one rural representative proudly noted, Texans “enjoy the freedom to take our risk.” God forbid the state mandate trivial things like elevated buildings or keeping human habitations out of federally designated floodways. After decades of inaction, the only building restriction they managed to pass after last year’s historic tragedy was this camp safety rule—and it didn’t even last a full year before our Lubbock representative helped gut it.
After all, why force wealthy campgrounds to invest in lifesaving infrastructure when we can just have our politicians wear matching green awareness ribbons and offer thoughts and prayers from the dry, air-conditioned comfort of a press conference?
Sources:
