Ah, Sunday in the Hub City. While most of us were arguing over the last basket of rolls at Texas Roadhouse, the fine folks over on 38th Street were busy turning a routine property retrieval into a scene from COPS. Because in Lubbock, you don’t just move out of a house—you survive it.
Let’s talk about that world-class LPD response time. The call for an “officer stand-by” went out at 12:13 p.m., presumably because the person moving out knew their roommate wasn’t going to hand over the air fryer without a fight. The officer finally rolled up at 1:48 p.m. That’s a solid 95 minutes of waiting. In that time, you could have driven to Amarillo, realized it’s even worse than Lubbock, and driven halfway back before the law even put their car in park.
Once the officer actually arrived to witness the “civil” dispute, the resident left behind decided to point a gun at the person moving out. Nothing says “I’m definitely the stable one in this breakup” like pulling a firearm over a stack of cardboard boxes. The officer, likely realizing this was going to involve way more paperwork than he signed up for, fired his department-issued weapon and sent the suspect on a high-speed ambulance ride to UMC.
So now, the suspect is in serious condition, charges are “pending” (shocker), and the Metropolitan Special Crimes Unit spent their Sunday afternoon decorating 38th Street with yellow tape. LPD is holding a press conference Monday to explain how a simple move turned into a shooting gallery, but we already know the answer: it’s just another Sunday in the 806.
At least the person moving out doesn’t have to worry about getting their security deposit back anymore—that house is officially a crime scene now.
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