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Raider Power? More Like Raider-Hush: Texas Tech Rebrands as a Very Expensive Trade School

In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has spent more than five minutes in West Texas, the Texas Tech Board of Regents has decided that the “university” part of Texas Tech University was getting a little too trendy. Following the lead of Chancellor Brandon Creighton—the man who literally wrote the state law he’s now enforcing—the system is scrubbing its curriculum to ensure students aren’t burdened with pesky things like “diverse perspectives” or “academic freedom” that might distract them from becoming efficient little corporate cogs.

Chancellor Creighton’s new “efficiency model” aims to strip away any course content that doesn’t lead to an immediate, high-paying job. Because why bother learning how to think critically or understand the complexities of human history when you can just be “market-ready” for a mid-level management position at a fracking firm? Retired professors are pointing out that current faculty are essentially paralyzed with fear, but don’t worry—Creighton insists academic freedom is totally protected, provided you only use that freedom to say exactly what the Board of Regents wants to hear.

Out of 14,000 courses, the system has already flagged and begun phasing out the “dangerous” 5% that didn’t meet their standards of efficiency. This includes a total freeze on any programs or classes that dare to center on sexual orientation or gender identity. Apparently, the Board believes that if we just stop talking about these things, they’ll disappear—much like Tech’s chances of attracting “the best and brightest” minds who generally prefer to work in environments where “censorship” isn’t part of the faculty handbook.

The goal here is simple: convert the campus into a glorified vocational center where students pay top-dollar tuition to be told which four books are relevant to the current labor market. We’re officially trading the “Light and Liberty” of higher education for the “Silence and Salary” of the new Tech regime.

After all, who needs a soul or a well-rounded worldview when you have a competitive starting salary and a diploma that doubles as a legally binding gag order?

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