Because life in the greater Lubbock metroplex isn’t thrilling enough without neighborhood terrors, we look over to our lovely neighbor Slaton, where a Monday afternoon turned into a total circus. Slaton Police and Animal Control rushed to a home on South 11th Street after two dogs decided a local child looked like a chew toy. The kid was shipped off to a local hospital for medical treatment, and the canine culprits were dragged off to mandatory quarantine.
Enter 48-year-old Robert Stevens, a man who clearly graduated top of his class from the Lubbock School of Crisis Management. When the authorities arrived to deal with a literal community hazard, did Stevens cooperate? Did he try to de-escalate? Of course not. Instead, he managed to add a charge of “interfering with public duties” to his itinerary, because nothing says “responsible pet owner” quite like picking a fight with the folks trying to secure aggressive animals.
Stevens is now cooling his heels in the Lubbock County jail, booked on a felony charge for the dog attack resulting in serious bodily injury, plus his bonus charge for being an absolute nuisance to society. His total bond is currently sitting at $22,000—which is a pretty steep price to pay for a masterclass in how to turn a terrible situation into a total legal catastrophe.
We can only assume his defense strategy involves arguing that the dogs were just trying to protect him from the tyrannical overreach of Slaton Animal Control, but hey, at least he gave us another textbook entry for the “Only in West Texas” archives.
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