In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has ever played a game of “fuck around and find out,” Texas Republicans are currently reeling after their brilliant plan to rig the federal map mid-decade blew up in their faces. Last summer, our state’s leadership decided to do Donald Trump a solid by redrawing congressional lines to gift the GOP five extra seats. It was a bold, “only in Texas” power move—until the blue states realized they also have maps and Sharpies.
While the Texas GOP was busy high-fiving over their gerrymandered masterpiece, voters in California and Virginia looked at the situation and said, “Oh, we’re doing this now? Bet.” They promptly suspended their own independent redistricting commissions and redrew their maps to favor Democrats by a combined nine seats. So, if you’re keeping track of the math at home—which is hard to do with a Texas public school education—the GOP’s +5 “win” has been neutralized by a +9 counter-punch.
Naturally, our local representatives are handling this with the grace of a toddler who dropped their ice cream. Rep. Troy Nehls is out here claiming Virginia is “out of control,” while Rep. August Pfluger is crying about how “unfair” it is that there aren’t enough Republicans in New England. It’s a classic Lubbock-style logic: it’s only a fair fight when the other guy’s hands are tied behind his back.
Meanwhile, actual veteran congressmen like Pete Sessions are admitting the move forced long-time members into retirement and destroyed “continuity,” all for a net gain that is currently looking like a big, fat zero. We traded senior leadership and political stability for a “retribution” war that we are currently losing. But hey, at least we “owned the libs” for about fifteen minutes before they realized they could just do the exact same thing back to us.
If you set your neighbor’s porch on fire because you didn’t like their lawn gnome, can you really act shocked when your own roof starts smoking?
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