In a city where the most exciting news is usually a new car wash opening or a particularly aggressive dust storm, we finally have some “disruptors” in the local economy. Fourteen absolute visionaries from Texas and New Mexico were just indicted for running what can only be described as a five-finger discount program for crude oil. Because why bother with the hassle of drilling permits and mineral rights when you can just treat the Permian Basin like an unattended self-service station?
The sheer, unadulterated “Lubbock logic” on display here is breathtaking. According to the feds, these masterminds stole the oil and then—in a move that defines “boldness” or perhaps “concussion-level thinking”—stored it on land leased from the United States government. It’s a classic move: if you’re going to hide stolen goods, why not put them right under the nose of the people who own the handcuffs? It’s like stealing a man’s wallet and then asking him to hold it while you tie your shoe.
Once they had their liquid loot, they didn’t even have the decency to price-gouge like a legitimate oil company. They were selling the stolen crude at “significantly below” market rates. It was essentially a Permian Basin Black Friday sale, except the “doorbusters” are now looking at five to ten years in a federal facility where the only thing being pumped is iron in the yard.
The list of defendants reads like a “Who’s Who” of people who definitely should have known better, including owners of actual “Enterprises” who apparently decided their business model needed more grand larceny. They’re facing conspiracy and interstate transportation charges, proving once again that in West Texas, the only thing that travels faster than a tumbleweed is a federal indictment.
Honestly, in a region that practically worships at the altar of the pumpjack, you’d think these guys would have realized that the only people legally allowed to rob us at the pump are the guys whose names are actually on the skyline.
Source:
