Texas Attorney General, walking scandal magnet, and now U.S. Senate hopeful Ken Paxton is out on the campaign trail trying to convince us he’s the ultimate savior of the unborn. This is, after all, a guy whose office literally treats the anniversary of the overturn of Roe v. Wade as an official holiday and who famously threatened to sue a Dallas hospital to prevent a woman with a non-viable pregnancy from getting emergency care. But in a beautiful twist of political irony, neither Paxton nor his record-fundraising Democratic opponent, James Talarico, are actually talking about abortion right now. Apparently, running in a state where only 9% of people actually support a total ban makes politicians suddenly develop collective amnesia.
Meanwhile, out here in the real world—you know, the part of Texas where people actually have to live and try not to die—being “pro-life” apparently stops the moment you need a functioning hospital. A depressing new report reveals that a staggering 70% of Texas’ 200-plus rural counties are complete maternal healthcare deserts, meaning they either have no hospital at all or their hospitals don’t bother with labor-and-delivery units. Because rural facilities can’t turn a neat profit on Medicaid or private insurance, they’re shutting down maternity wards faster than a Lubbock business on a Sunday morning, leaving high-risk pregnant women to drive hours down narrow state highways just to find out if they have any amniotic fluid left.
But don’t panic, because our brilliant lawmakers are totally on the case with their usual lightspeed efficiency. State Representative Joanne Shofner wants everyone to know she plans to refile legislation to address the rural maternal health crisis… in the 2027 session. So, if you’re currently pregnant in a county without a stoplight, just try to hold it in for another year or two. We also got a nice taste of federal help from the Trump administration’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” which threw a few short-term crumbs to rural hospitals while simultaneously gutting the very Medicaid funding that keeps their doors open.
But hey, why waste taxpayer money funding actual delivery rooms or ensuring a mother survives childbirth when you can just sue an out-of-state pharmacy for mailing medication, pat yourself on the back, and call it a day?
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