In a stunning display of lightning-fast government efficiency, our Lubbock County Commissioners unanimously voted to approve a brand-new law enforcement task force to address crimes against children. Why the sudden urgency? Oh, just because local crimes against kids aged 10 and under have quietly spiked by a whopping 25 percent over the last five years, ballooning from 324 victims in 2021 to 405 last year. But hey, it only took half a decade of depressing trend lines for the city and county to finally sit down and realize they should probably talk to each other.
Sergeant Robert Braden proudly declared this a collaborative, “all hands on deck” operation. And by “all hands,” he means exactly six people: five officers from the Lubbock Police Department and one solitary deputy from the Lubbock County Sheriff’s Department. Truly, a sprawling armada of justice. They are setting up shop at 916 Main Street using existing office space and furniture, meaning the cost to taxpayers is “negligible.” Because nothing says “we are taking this very, very serious” quite like rummaging through the county basement for a few spare desks and some leftover Windows 10 computers.
The genius of this new unit is that it’s modeled after the Metropolitan Special Crimes Unit, which boasted an impressive 100 percent homicide clearance rate in 2024. The funny thing is, even before this shiny new acronym was invented, LPD already managed to solve 99 percent of crimes against children under 10 last year. That’s right—the Sheriff, the District Attorney, and the Chief of Police had a grand summit and reshuffled six employees just to hunt down that final, elusive one percent.
But hey, look on the bright side, kids: if the abuse numbers spike another 25 percent over the next five years, the county might even pitch in a second deputy and a functioning stapler.
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