While most of Lubbock was busy overpaying for lukewarm brunch buffets and pretending to like their mother-in-laws this past Sunday, 27-year-old Andrew Ruiz was busy reminding us why we can’t have nice things. According to the Lubbock Police Department, Ruiz decided to celebrate Mother’s Day by turning a casual drinking session on Elkridge Avenue into a scene straight out of a low-budget slasher flick.
The festivities kicked off when Ruiz allegedly started harassing one of his drinking buddies. When the victim stepped in to play peacemaker—presumably because “don’t be a jerk” is a hard concept to grasp after a few rounds—Ruiz escalated things by pulling out a large, black knife. Because nothing says “Sunday Funday” like introducing a tactical weapon to a backyard hangout.
The victim and the other guest wisely retreated into the house and locked the door, but Ruiz wasn’t about to let a little thing like “property rights” or “basic human decency” stop the party. He allegedly smashed a window and began stabbing the victim through the broken glass. It was essentially a deranged, West Texas version of Whac-A-Mole, only with more blood and significantly less prize-winning potential.
In a twist of hardware store irony, the victim defended themselves with a box cutter. We really are a DIY city, aren’t we? Ruiz eventually fled the scene and was later found several blocks away on Grinnell Street, presumably realizing that being stabbed back by the guy you were stabbing through a window wasn’t part of the original itinerary. He was treated at UMC and then promptly traded his street clothes for a stylish orange jumpsuit at the Lubbock County Detention Center.
Ruiz is currently being held on a $100,000 bond for Burglary of a Habitation. It’s a steep price to pay, but hey, at least he’s got plenty of time to think about what he’s going to get his mom for next year—assuming he’s not still “window shopping” for more felony charges.
Who needs a Hallmark card when you can give your family the gift of a six-figure bail and a tactical knife story before the Mother’s Day mimosas even wear off?
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