In a move that surely has the bean-counters at Texas Tech salivating with envy, the University of North Texas has decided to fix its massive $45 million budget hole by simply paying its smartest people to go away. UNT just approved buyouts for 40 faculty members, saving a whopping $4.7 million—which, if you’re doing the math at home, leaves a mere $40 million left to figure out. It’s like trying to pay off a mortgage by selling your light bulbs; sure, you saved fifty bucks, but now you’re sitting in the dark.
The “why” behind this financial dumpster fire is a classic Texas cocktail: a 45% drop in international graduate students—who apparently realized they could spend their tuition dollars in states that don’t treat “diversity” like a biohazard—and a “reduction in state funding.” Apparently, the folks in Austin think universities are like succulents: if you stop watering them, they just get “sturdier.” Or, you know, they die. Either way, the College of Liberal Arts is taking the biggest hit, because who needs English, Economics, or Media Arts when you can have… well, whatever is left.
Leading the charge out the door is journalism professor Tracy Everbach, a 22-year veteran who decided she’d had enough of the university’s new “hostile” vibe. Between the state-mandated DEI bans and an “AI-assisted syllabus review” that flagged her Race and Gender class (because nothing screams “academic freedom” like a chatbot policing your curriculum), she took the money and ran. UNT is also busy “consolidating” 70 degrees and programs, which is academic-speak for “we’re deleting your major while you’re halfway through it.”
But don’t worry, the administration has a plan! They’re shifting 40 courses to a format where students watch lectures online and only meet in person for “small groups.” It’s basically Netflix with $30,000 in student loans attached. They call it “positioning for long-term stability”; the rest of us call it a slow-motion collapse.
Of course, here in Lubbock, we’re just watching this play out like a preview of coming attractions. With Texas Tech’s own “policy own goals” and its relentless quest to alienate anyone who doesn’t think and act like a cardboard cutout, it’s only a matter of time before we start seeing “Buy One Tenure, Get One Free” signs on 19th Street.
If we keep “optimizing” our universities this way, will the last professor out of the state please remember to turn off the AI syllabus-checker?
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