Crime
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Lubbock Senior Discovers That “Aggravated Assault” Includes Death by Doritos
Welcome to another beautiful day in the Hub City, where the wind is always blowing, the dirt is always flying, and your fellow citizens are apparently one red light away from a total psychological collapse. If you thought the biggest threat on North University and Erskine was a pothole deep enough to swallow a Honda [...]Read More... from Lubbock Senior Discovers That “Aggravated Assault” Includes Death by Doritos
Rawls College of Business Adds “Fentanyl Distribution” to the Curriculum
Leave it to Lubbock to turn Breaking Bad into a boring faculty meeting. While most Texas Tech professors are busy complaining about parking pass prices or trying to explain inflation to nineteen-year-olds who think a “budget” is just a suggestion from their parents, Daniel Taylor was out here living the dream. As an assistant professor [...]Read More... from Rawls College of Business Adds “Fentanyl Distribution” to the Curriculum
Local Man Discovers You Can’t Just “Happily Marry” a 10-Year-Old
Look, we all know the Lubbock area is about 20 years behind the rest of the world, but 44-year-old Leandro Rodriquez Jr. of Plainview seems to have missed the memo on several centuries of basic human decency. In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has spent more than five minutes reading local police [...]Read More... from Local Man Discovers You Can’t Just “Happily Marry” a 10-Year-Old
Politics
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Tech Regents Spend Five Hours Playing ‘I Spy’ With Real Estate Instead of Doing Their Jobs
Lubbock’s favorite higher-ed circus, the Texas Tech University System, just held its big Board of Regents meeting in Dallas—conveniently 350 miles away from the students and faculty actually dealing with the fallout of Chancellor Brandon Creighton’s “war on feelings”. While everyone expected the board to finally clarify which books haven’t been banned yet, the regents [...]Read More... from Tech Regents Spend Five Hours Playing ‘I Spy’ With Real Estate Instead of Doing Their Jobs
El Paso’s $1.2 Billion Death Trap is the New ‘Gold Standard’ for Texas Hospitality
Listen, I know we usually spend our time complaining about the soul-crushing dust storms and the fact that Lubbock’s only cultural landmark is a Buddy Holly statue that looks like it’s perpetually judging your life choices. But let’s take a look at our neighbors in El Paso, where the federal government has spent $1.2 billion [...]Read More... from El Paso’s $1.2 Billion Death Trap is the New ‘Gold Standard’ for Texas Hospitality
The ‘Who’s More MAGA’ Olympics: Choosing Between a Tractor, a Trump Selfie, and a Pardon
Welcome to the 19th Congressional District race, where the primary objective isn’t actually “governing,” but proving you’re the most “West Texas” human to ever breathe Lubbock dust. Since Jodey Arrington decided he’d finally had enough of the D.C. humidity (or just the job), we have seven—yes, seven—candidates currently elbowing each other in the ribs to [...]Read More... from The ‘Who’s More MAGA’ Olympics: Choosing Between a Tractor, a Trump Selfie, and a Pardon
Guns
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University Avenue: Where “Child Exchange” is Just a Suggestion for a Felony
Because nothing says “healthy co-parenting” like a cocked pistol on University Avenue, 25-year-old Kaitlin Garcia has officially been indicted for Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Apparently, a December child exchange in the 7300 block turned into a deleted scene from Sicario, proving once again that in Lubbock, “family time” is just another word for [...]Read More... from University Avenue: Where “Child Exchange” is Just a Suggestion for a Felony
Lubbock: Where Your Glock Can Be Anything If You Believe (And Have a Federal Indictment)
Ah, Lubbock. The “Hub City.” The place where the wind blows 60 mph, the dirt is a permanent seasoning on your steak, and apparently, the local youth are treating their handguns like a DIY project from a very dark corner of Pinterest. Meet Adrian James Washington, III—a 20-year-old who clearly felt a standard .40 caliber [...]Read More... from Lubbock: Where Your Glock Can Be Anything If You Believe (And Have a Federal Indictment)
The ‘Jason’ Mask Stays On During the Accidental Lobotomy
In a city where we can’t even seem to coordinate a four-way stop at a blinking red light, it should come as no surprise that our local criminal masterminds are struggling with the basic physics of “point the loud end away from your friends.” Last week, Jeremiah Guerrero and his soon-to-be-ex-best-friend decided to spice up [...]Read More... from The ‘Jason’ Mask Stays On During the Accidental Lobotomy
Public Health
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The “Zombie Movie” Prequel Nobody Asked For: Lubbock’s Floating Goose Buffet
According to local rock station FMX, Lubbock has spent the last few months auditioning for the lead role in a low-budget horror flick. Thousands of geese have been dropping dead across the Hub City, creating a scenic landscape of rotting feathers and “uncomfortable conversations.” While city crews have been busy playing a high-stakes game of [...]Read More... from The “Zombie Movie” Prequel Nobody Asked For: Lubbock’s Floating Goose Buffet
Lubbock Public Health to City: “Don’t Worry, It’s Just a Little Measles”
Good news, everyone! Lubbock’s Public Health department officially has “no concern” about community spread following a confirmed case of the measles. Apparently, we’ve reached a level of local zen where a highly contagious, once-eradicated virus is just another Tuesday in the Hub City. The lucky winner of this year’s first “Traveler’s Toxin” award was an [...]Read More... from Lubbock Public Health to City: “Don’t Worry, It’s Just a Little Measles”
Groundbreaking Discovery: Dust is Bad for You, Actually
In a stunning turn of events that surely shocked exactly zero people who have ever stepped foot outside in the 806, a local doctor is officially advising Lubbockites that breathing in a face-full of dirt is—get this—suboptimal for your health. After the most recent haboob turned our afternoon sky into a scene from Interstellar, Dr. [...]Read More... from Groundbreaking Discovery: Dust is Bad for You, Actually
Education
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Lubbock ISD Refuses to Make Prayer Mandatory
In a shocking display of common sense that must have left local pearl-clutchers gasping for air, the Lubbock ISD Board of Trustees voted unanimously against designating a specific “prayer period” during the school day. While new state legislation essentially gave them a hall pass to turn the lunch hour into a revival tent, the board [...]Read More... from Lubbock ISD Refuses to Make Prayer Mandatory
Tech Regents Spend Five Hours Playing ‘I Spy’ With Real Estate Instead of Doing Their Jobs
Lubbock’s favorite higher-ed circus, the Texas Tech University System, just held its big Board of Regents meeting in Dallas—conveniently 350 miles away from the students and faculty actually dealing with the fallout of Chancellor Brandon Creighton’s “war on feelings”. While everyone expected the board to finally clarify which books haven’t been banned yet, the regents [...]Read More... from Tech Regents Spend Five Hours Playing ‘I Spy’ With Real Estate Instead of Doing Their Jobs
Chancellor Creighton Discovers the Best Way to Lead Lubbock is From 300 Miles Away
In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has ever spent a Tuesday in February staring at a tumbleweed, the Texas Tech University System Board of Regents has decided that Lubbock simply isn’t big enough for their egos this week. For the first time ever, the board is dragging their meeting all the way [...]Read More... from Chancellor Creighton Discovers the Best Way to Lead Lubbock is From 300 Miles Away
Local Government
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The Brick Trailer Park: An Autopsy of the Hub City’s Soul
If you have ever driven down Slide Road at 5:15 PM, dodging a lifted Ford F-250 that is currently occupying two lanes while emitting a cloud of unburnt diesel particulate that would make a Victorian chimney sweep cough, you have experienced the essence of Lubbock, Texas. We like to pretend we are a “metropolitan” area. [...]Read More... from The Brick Trailer Park: An Autopsy of the Hub City’s Soul
Landlord Forgets to Pay the Bill, City Tries to Freeze Residents for ‘Legal Reasons’
In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one familiar with North Lubbock real estate, the residents of a Thunder Sun mobile home park were recently forced to play a high-stakes game of “Will I Freeze to Death?” This time, it wasn’t because of a grid failure, but because their landlord apparently treated their utility [...]Read More... from Landlord Forgets to Pay the Bill, City Tries to Freeze Residents for ‘Legal Reasons’
Ice, Ice, Sprinkler: How Lubbock Turns a Cold Snap into a Contact Sport
Lubbock officials are begging—again—for residents to stop running sprinklers during freezing weather, because spraying water onto streets and sidewalks when it’s below 32 degrees turns the city into a low-budget ice rink. Code Enforcement says runoff during cold snaps is a serious hazard for drivers and pedestrians, which feels less like a warning and more [...]Read More... from Ice, Ice, Sprinkler: How Lubbock Turns a Cold Snap into a Contact Sport
Economics
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Sorry, Birds: The Lesser Prairie Chicken Is Now Just a Lesser Priority
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has ever seen a “Drill, Baby, Drill” bumper sticker in a United Supermarkets parking lot, the Trump Administration has officially stripped the Lesser Prairie Chicken of its endangered species protections. After thirty years of lawsuits and red tape that apparently moved slower than a tractor on [...]Read More... from Sorry, Birds: The Lesser Prairie Chicken Is Now Just a Lesser Priority
Texas Comptroller Race: Because Who Needs an Accountant When You Can Have a Holy Warrior?
In a move that surprises absolutely no one who has ever spent ten minutes in a Lubbock Stripes, the race for Texas’s top accountant has devolved into a high-stakes game of “Who Hates Woke More?” Forget about balancing the $100+ billion state budget or accurately predicting revenue so our schools don’t crumble into the West [...]Read More... from Texas Comptroller Race: Because Who Needs an Accountant When You Can Have a Holy Warrior?
Drive 60 Miles or Die Trying: The West Texas Rural Healthcare Hunger Games
Well, pack your bags and grab a roadside burrito, because if you live in Floyd or Lynn County, your healthcare plan is basically a scenic commute to Lubbock. According to the latest reports, Texas leads the nation in rural hospitals—mostly because we have so much empty space to put them in—but we’re also leading the [...]Read More... from Drive 60 Miles or Die Trying: The West Texas Rural Healthcare Hunger Games
Police
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El Paso’s $1.2 Billion Death Trap is the New ‘Gold Standard’ for Texas Hospitality
Listen, I know we usually spend our time complaining about the soul-crushing dust storms and the fact that Lubbock’s only cultural landmark is a Buddy Holly statue that looks like it’s perpetually judging your life choices. But let’s take a look at our neighbors in El Paso, where the federal government has spent $1.2 billion [...]Read More... from El Paso’s $1.2 Billion Death Trap is the New ‘Gold Standard’ for Texas Hospitality
The LISD Friday Special: Bomb Threats, Ghost Gunmen, and the 2,000-Student Parking Lot Party
Happy Friday, Lubbock! While you were likely daydreaming about which Mexican food establishment would host your inevitable sodium overdose this evening, Lubbock High School decided to pivot into a high-stakes action movie—minus the budget or a coherent plot. An “unknown subject” (local speak for “someone who didn’t study for their Physics mid-term”) called the police [...]Read More... from The LISD Friday Special: Bomb Threats, Ghost Gunmen, and the 2,000-Student Parking Lot Party
Texas ICE Facilities Achieve New Record in ‘Customer Exit Strategies’
In a stunning display of “everything’s bigger in Texas,” our state’s ICE detention facilities have officially hit a record high for body counts. Between December and January, six people died in just six weeks—three of them at El Paso’s Camp East Montana, a charming little $1.2 billion tent city run by a Virginia company that [...]Read More... from Texas ICE Facilities Achieve New Record in ‘Customer Exit Strategies’